If you’re single and dating you know what first dates are like. They are nerve wracking! You are meeting this person, sometimes for the first time, and you want to make a good impression. Let’s face it, you want them to like you, right? Well, I’m here to tell you WHO CARES!!! What? You think I’m crazy? Not at all … I know what I have to offer and I know that I’m a catch for the right fisherman, so why should I care if someone doesn’t like me? They aren’t right for me and I’m not right for them. Why on earth would I want to force that? You know you’ve done it, tried to MAKE someone want you and like you with a very bad result. It was a bad experience for the both of you. Am I right? I’ve been there, so I know, oh do I ever. When I realized that I’m worth more than that date that’s when I had my epiphany, the secret to a great first date is not giving a damn.
Not Giving a Damn
What does it mean to not give a damn? Well, I’ll tell you. Not giving a damn means that you are going into this date knowing full well who you are and what you have to offer. You are a whole, happy person meeting a new human being. How exciting is that?! This new person has lived their own life and experienced a lot of interesting things you haven’t. What a great opportunity to learn! I talk a lot about being a sponge for new information. I love meeting new people and learning about their life’s path. How interesting!! That’s how I approach first dates. That’s how I assess if this person is right for me – do they keep me interested? Am I attracted to them? Do they make me want more?
Secret to a Great First Date
So how do you not give a damn on your first date? It’s all about the approach. Look at it as meeting a new person, not your potential long term partner and, for goodness sake, don’t put them in the prospective bride/groom shoes!!! That’s the worst thing you can do!! You don’t know if this person is right for you long term right away. If you project this then you know what’s going to happen? You’re going to lose them and yourself. You will scare them away. Don’t latch on too quickly, you need to keep a bit of a distance so you can see this person for who they really are, not what they want to show you. Additionally, you really need to listen to your gut on this one. They could be showing you everything you want to see and telling you everything you want to hear and you think they are PERFECT and can’t believe your luck … but, in reality they are just putting on a show. It’s happened to me before, I got suckered in because I was vulnerable at the time, but quickly learned my mistake and now I rely on my gut instincts to lead me.
A Great First Date
So, what can you do on a first date that’s casual and fun? LOTS of stuff!! First dates shouldn’t cost a lot of money, actually they shouldn’t cost more than $20. That’s my rule. This way there’s no resentment or feelings like you owe them something. Who pays? Well, whoever invites is a good general rule. A great first date can be going for a nature walk, going to a museum (lots of free exhibits), being a tourist in your own city, going for a coffee or grabbing a drink. So many options, you just have to be open to it! What’s the secret to a great first date? DON’T GIVE A DAMN!! Now, go forth and don’t give a damn and have fun!! Dating is fun!!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Originally published on Wink Wisely.
My friend said something to me once that just lessened my first date nerves a lot. She said “All you can be is yourself”. It was like a light went on. Of course that’s all I can be, and if the person I’m dating isn’t keen, well that’s ok, but no point trying to be anything else. No I just relax, be myself and enjoy their company. Most people are pleasant enough to spend a few hours with, even if you are not feeling it will go anywhere.
Yes, be yourself and listen. See how much they ask about you and your life. Or does he just talk about himself, gripe about his ex, try to impress you with his tales of prowess?
Lucky for me, I’m a journalist so it’s easy for me to make conversation. Don’t ask about stupid things like favorite movies or music. That’s fun but you need to know how he sees the world. Does he have a sense of humor? What are your requirements? Know what you are looking for.
On the other hand, it’s not an inquisition. Know when to back off and just laugh about something. But the worst thing you can do is try too hard. People can smell “desperation” a mile away.
That’s great advice. You’re right, ALL you can be is yourself. If they like you great, if not, then that’s great too. At the very worst you will have met a new person and learned about them.
Very well put, couldn’t have said it any better myself. You’re right, always go with no expectations. Relax and be your TRUE self!
Thanks Joka! Definitely ALWAYS be true to yourself and take it easy. If it works out great, if it doesn’t that’s OK, there’s always others!!
I totally feel you. It’s totally nerve wracking.
I worry whether I look ok, and then there’s the whole thing about him being a creep or not!
First dates are hard, especially when you’ve only met them online. You really don’t know what you’re getting until you sit with them. All you can do is be yourself and hope for the best! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
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