I was reading an article recently about Overcoming Love Addiction by Dr. Jill Weber and it really struck a chord with me.  I wondered, could love REALLY be an addiction? I mean REALLY? Like alcohol or drugs?  Then I thought about it.  Yes, yes it can.  What is an addiction?  Essentially it’s needing something so bad that stopping it could cause some sort of physical or psychological trauma.  You are abnormally dependent on whatever it is you’re addicted to.  So does love really fit then?  

Can You Be Addicted To Love?

I think for some people it does.  The adrenaline rush you get when you’re in love or have sex or with someone that makes you feel good can be addictive.  Romantic love and love in general releases a lot of feel good chemicals in the body, the author says that “being separated from a lover or feeling emotionally abandoned creates a series of reactions that are not unlike the body’s process of withdrawing from a drug“.  Interesting.  We all know that being rejected by someone we love or are attached to causes pain.  That’s no secret, but withdrawl pain, that’s new to me.  But, it makes sense.  The author goes on to say that …

“A love addiction is typically associated with strong highs, where both partners feel jubilant and passionate, and the lowest of the lows, often resulting in depression and generally feeling ‘stressed out’ for long periods of time. Just like a drug, the reward centers of the brain light up when the highs are high and the brain’s happy chemicals plummet when the lows occur. The highs and positive feelings may be short-lived, but people may stay in these dysfunctional unions for a surprisingly long time, sustained by the anticipation of the next endorphin rush.”

Talk about a roller coaster ride! But I have been there.  I get it.  I’ve had someone who made me feel like I was on some drug high rush when I was with him and I would go through major withdrawal when he wasn’t around and this insane cycle lasted for three long years.  Three years of this up and down.  Talk about exhausting! I seriously had to go cold turkey to stop the madness.  I still crave that high and wish him and I could have been a permanent thing, but, reality is something different.  It’s really just not meant to be.  I accept that now.  That is why I have moved on.

Why We Enter These Unhealthy Unions

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” (Stephen Chbosky)

We enter in unhealthy unions because we don’t know better or we don’t think we deserve better.  It’s what we’re used to. There’s a lot of stuff out there about how we’re raised and how our relationship with our parents affects what liaisons we enter into.  Regardless of what the case may be, we do enter these unions because they make us feel good, even if it’s only for a short time.  The author states that “People frequently stay in addicted love relationships out of a fear of experiencing this pain and a desire to avoid it“. For me it was that high that my interactions with my addiction brought me.  It was electric, amazing, out of this world… like a battery jolt that sustained me for days … but it was unrealistic and unsustainable, just like any drug.  It was good for my ego and good for my soul.  Both he and I couldn’t wait for the next battery charge.  But then the in betweens were bad, very bad.  He was a playboy type and couldn’t be tied down.  It took me awhile to realize how bad and how it was affecting my relationships and interactions with others.  But, because I didn’t think I wanted or deserved anything else, I accepted the roller coaster.

Is There A Cure?

For me self realization was the cure.  I know better now.  We still have a very deep affection and friendship for each other, but that’s all it is and all it will be.  I’m done.  The author says that you should “take stock of your past history with love, start with your early experiences in your family and then move through your romantic relationship history. As you become more fully aware of your love history and how your needs went met or unmet, you will develop a greater ability to see others as they really are” and to “learn to take time to get to know people who treat you well and make you feel good. Surround yourself with people who are compassionate and kind toward you“.

You need to surround yourself with healthy liaisons in every aspect of your life.  YOU DESERVE IT.  Why short change yourself.  Why get on the roller coaster when you can ride the autobahn?  Well my friends, it’s definitely smooth sailing ahead for me.  You know why? Because I deserve it and so do you.  So don’t settle for less!

Have you ever been addicted to love?  Is love addiction even possible? Would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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