I recently read an article titled “Are You in a Relationship With an Unavailable Person?“, the author said “a “soul mate” must first be willing and available to have a relationship with you. If he or she is not, then he or she is not your soul mate, at least at the present time. A confusing aspect of being attracted to unavailable, commitment-phobic people is that the emotional or sexual chemistry can feel so strong, leading you to accept behavior you’d never tolerate in friends.” Wow. Just wow. It really resonated with me. Really really resonated with me. Why? Well, I met my soul mate, or if we don’t want to call it soul mate, call it my ideal partner or whatever you want. Yes, you heard right. I met him. It was a few years back. It was nothing short of electric, intense, crazy, know what other is feeling, thinking kind of thing … I can’t even describe the feeling. This quote says it better than I can: “We were not making love, we did not even kiss, but the inexplicable intimacy we shared left us wordlessly and hopelessly locked into each other’s gaze.” (Jasmine Dubroff) So why am I not with them right now? Well, the problem is that they were, still are, emotionally unavailable. What happened? I stuck around. I stuck around for longer than I should have.
The author continued, “the electricity can feel so incredible and rare, you mistake intensity for intimacy. You make compromises you wouldn’t typically consider in order to give the relationship a chance. Still, connection or not, you must take a sober look to determine if someone is truly available for intimacy. Know this: Not everyone you feel a connection with, no matter how mind-blowing, is your soul mate. You can fall for someone who is totally wrong for you, as unfair and confounding as that reality can be.” Is she talking about me? How did she know? Actually, I have learned over the years that MANY MANY people experience similar things and end up for many months, even years hoping for something different that never comes. Why? Because, from experience, the connection is so intense that it sucks you in and takes you over. It’s energizing. It’s, well, the most intense love you’ve ever felt. Besides, isn’t that the way it’s SUPPOSED to be? How unfair is right! You finally meet your soul mate, the one you’ve been waiting for all your life, and, even if they share your feelings, they aren’t even emotionally available? It sucks! But, you have to then question, are they really your soul mate then or something different all together?
Are They Really Your Soul Mate?
Well, if you buy into the whole soul mate thing then that’s the ideal right? You want that sort of feeling with someone. Isn’t that what everyone’s really looking for? Of course they are! But I truly believe that if someone is right for you then you’ll be together. Connection or not, it doesn’t really matter if they are your soul mate, or they are your ideal partner, or everything you’ve ever wanted. If they don’t want the same things you do, then it’s all for naught. No point in sticking around. Are they really your soul mate? Perhaps, but not for this lifetime maybe. You need to let go. I needed to let go and I did. Was it easy? Not one bit, it was painful actually, unfair and extremely sad, but, when I actually let go it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Letting Go Of Your Soul Mate
As the author stated, “if you are in a toxic, abusive, or non-reciprocal relationship, it may be the right choice to withdraw, even when your passion is strong and says, “Stay.” It may feel excruciating to let go when you don’t want to, or if you’re still hoping against hope that the person will change, but … the heart knows when it’s enough.” I knew when enough was enough. It took me years, very very difficult years of a crazy roller coaster ride, but I finally let go, painful as it was. I hit my limit. I had to admit to myself that it just wasn’t meant to be. That love really wasn’t enough. Letting go of your soul mate is possible, it takes time, it is a process like everything else, but, it can be done. Perhaps some residue will be left over but that too will pass with time. It is possible. Take it from me. You deserve more. I deserve more.
So what am I doing? Well, now that I’ve felt that connection with someone, I am looking for it again. I won’t settle for less than a solid connection with someone. I want what I had with him but with someone who wants something more. Someone who IS emotionally available. Is that too much to ask? No, I don’t believe it is. I’ve settled before and ended up divorced, not going through that again!! So I wait and I date … enjoying the process and not really worrying too much about the outcome.
Readers: Have you ever had an intense connection with someone? What happened? Are you still together? I would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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