It feels great to meet someone new, especially someone that seems just right. You have a lot in common, you enjoy each other’s company, they make you laugh, you’re attracted to each other, there’s mad chemistry and not to mention those butterflies. You’ve hit the jackpot – ding ding ding – oh, wait a minute, one technicality, they’re not actually yours for the taking. They are in a relationship with someone else. Bummer. But, then again, they’re much happier with you, you are everything they’ve always wanted, they don’t actually really want to be in their relationship anymore, you belong together. Perhaps you’ve left it at talking or maybe you’ve even dated, perhaps even had sex … is it cheating? Well, I’ve written before about how to define cheating where I mentioned that cheating can be mental, emotional or physical … so if you’re reading this and the situation is sounding somewhat familiar, then you could very well be the sidechick, or, the other woman. Question is, will he ever leave her for you? That’s what one reader asked and here’s my answer.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’m in a bit of a situation. I met this great guy, we get along so well, great chemistry and an amazing connection. He’s everything I’ve been looking for in a partner, but the problem is he’s married. He spends a lot of time with me and hardly any at home. He says his marriage is over and they are just cohabiting for financial reasons and that it’s a temporary situation. We started out just talking but it soon turned into a sexual relationship. His wife doesn’t know about me and he never spends the night with me. We also rarely go out in public because he says he doesn’t want to cause any problems or hurt his wife. This situation has been going on for a while and he says it’s only a matter of time and he will leave her and we could be together. I’m starting to think that it’s not going to happen. I am not sure whether I should wait and be patient or just move on. I love him a lot but I just need some security after all this time. I need to know will he leave her? Am I wasting my time and being stupid? I don’t know what to do. Help!
Wants To Be Number One
He Will Never Leave Her for You
Dear Wants To Be Number One,
Thank you for your email and question. I’m sorry you’re going through a very difficult and confusing time. I can imagine you’re very frustrated, but you would have to agree that you kind of got yourself into this situation. I’m totally not judging your actions, these are the choices you made and for whatever reason you thought it was best for you at the time. After all, men who aren’t single are actually quite charming. I get it. I’ve been pursued by attached men more often than not. They are really good at telling you whatever you want to hear and making you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Essentially, you get all their good stuff while they chase you. Some will even go all out and buy you gifts and treat you like the queen that you are. That’s why some women actually prefer dating married men, they get all the good stuff without having to deal with the mundane everyday humdrum things. Am I right? Just one problem, they are actually with someone else. They really are never yours. Even if they profess their love to you and promise you the world, they belong to someone else. Will they leave her for you? Well, I have to say probably not. True anything is possible, but really, chances are that no he will never leave her for you. Why? Well, two reasons and I’ll tell you what they are.
WHY He Will Never Leave Her for You
Firstly, he’s got the best of both worlds. These guys have their loving wife or partner at home and the nice life with her. It’s his public persona. It keeps up appearances. He has affection for her, deep or not, and he’s comfortable in his life with her. Although he craves excitement and change, he actually also loves the stability that comes with his relationship. Think about it. What more could this guy want? Even if it’s only an emotional affair, he sees that he’s still “got it” because he’s snagged you, but he doesn’t have to leave his wife either. Hot sex without the responsibility that comes with a relationship? Lucky bastard!
Secondly, if he was going to leave her he would have left already, with or without you. He didn’t suddenly meet you and his whole world turned upside down. Smarten up. This guy is bored and needs his masculinity validated and he’s doing it at your expense. A decent man with good intentions will clean up his mess before pursuing “other interests”. If he really was completely and utterly in love with you and wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t even think twice about leaving and he would deal with the messiness of leaving his partner for you. He would have already done it, he should have been with you by now if you’ve been together a while. Either way, he’s still there with her and he’s still having an affair with you, emotional or physical, it’s still an affair.
You need to ask yourself why you’re with him. Is it because he’s everything you ever wanted, or, is it because you actually don’t want something real with someone who can fully commit to you. Ask yourself why you are wasting your time with this guy and frankly, why you’re settling for second best? Don’t romanticize it, be realistic. You deserve to be number one in a man’s life and in this situation you’re not regardless of what he tells you.
My advice is to walk away. Tell him to clean up his mess and when he is ready to give you his all he knows where to find you AND you might consider this, if he cheated on her, what’s to stop him from cheating on you one day? This guy gets bored and craves variety, one day he might get bored of you and look elsewhere for some novelty. You need to decide for yourself, but in the end, whatever you choose, choose you. Just remember that you deserve happiness and you don’t seem to be happy with this situation. Just some food for thought.
Good Luck and Hope this helps!
READERS: What do you think? Does a man ever leave his wife for the “other woman”? What advice would you give this reader? Let us know in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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