Your Dating Pool: Too Many Choices or Not Enough?

dating-pool-choicesDepending on where you live, you might be at an advantage or disadvantage when looking for love. Some dating pools are naturally larger than others.  Too many choices is just as much as a problem as not enough. Why? It really all comes down to the quality of the dating pool, not the quantity, and that includes you! It really doesn’t matter how big or small your dating pool is, it’s about how well it suits you and your needs. The question really is, how do you navigate YOUR dating pool effectively and come out successful?

Your Dating Pool: Does Size Matter?

A study was done a few years ago to determine whether or not the size of the dating pool make a difference in the traits someone looks for in a mate. What the study found was that “in larger groups, people are more likely to use physical characteristics, such as height and weight, to make their dating choice — features that don’t take much time to assess — the study researchers say. In contrast, people in smaller groups are more likely to pay attention to characteristics that require some “getting to know you” conversation, such as whether or not the potential partner went to college or is a smokerand when faced with a plethora of possible partners, people might focus on traits they can quickly judge. As a result, someone might seem like Mr. or Mrs. Right in a small group, but not in a large one.”

Very interesting, so when faced with too many choices, people take the superficial route and could actually miss out on something potentially great. Essentially, the results indicate that “contrary to what was previously assumed, people don’t just walk around with a list of desirable mate traits in their heads and see how a potential date matches up. The choice environment has a hidden effect on people’s preferences, on their “list”. That is, they change what they are looking for depending on how many options they perceive that they have,” the researchers said.

Your Dating Pool: Expanding Your Horizons

I’m a big promoter of getting out of your “comfort zone” when you’re dating and going out with people who might not traditionally be your “type” or who don’t fit your “list”. It allows you to expand your horizons and extend your dating pool. I know personally I have been pleasantly surprised by some people I took a chance on. Dating, essentially, is taking a risk, making a leap of faith on a complete stranger to see if they could be your happily ever after (or happily never after!). Thing is that you don’t know unless you try!

Be open minded and venture into unknown and unfamiliar territory. I always tell people that the best way to meet an ideal partner is by doing things, going out, having hobbies, trying new places, meeting new people, volunteering at exclusive events, expand your circle of friends … by doing this, basically you’re increasing your dating footprint. People don’t generally like this way because it takes longer to meet someone than online dating and we are, after all, dating in the age of instant gratification. Try and take the slow approach and enjoy the process without worrying about the outcome.

Your Dating Pool: Standing Out

Whether or not your dating pool offers you too many choices or not enough, you need to make sure you stand out in the crowd. It really is about you. Ask yourself: What sort of impression are you making? Are you projecting the best version of yourself? Are you assertive? Do you take care of yourself? They say that you need to be what you want to attract. So if you’re looking for a successful, attractive, ambitious man, for example, you need to be someone who looks and act their best. It’s just the way it is. If you’re a man wanting a younger woman then you need to be in really good shape, be assertive and show her that you can keep up. Be the person that stands out in the crowd and be different than everyone else so that those who are looking can’t miss you. You’re only as successful as you want to be. Dating is a learning process and that’s what makes it so interesting. The longer you date, the more you will know what works and what doesn’t work for you (which is why expanding your dating pool is so important). So go forth and date my friends … instead of “putting” yourself out there, just BE out there, doing stuff you love and make you happy. Things always fall into place where and how they are supposed to, just be open to it, trust and believe!

READERS: What’s your dating pool like? Do you find it doesn’t meet your needs or is there way too much choice? All quantity no quality? Share your experience and thoughts in the comments below!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. Great post. I would say that I’m probably in a large dating pool with very few options. I am an expat who lives in various places abroad, and what I find is that my male expat counterparts are usually in the market for the local women. You can’t blame them. I mean everyone likes to explore the unfamiliar and exotic.


  2. I would say both apply to me depending on what we are judging on. For example, I generally didn’t want to date dads or larger men. When I took out dads I still had a large pool but taking out large men the number shrank. What I was generally left with were the gym dudes who lived for the gym and generally wanted younger and thinner. Average size men weren’t all that plentiful either. However there were many never married childless men, especially once I expanded distance. Speaking of which, even in my direct area I found a lot of men, but when I expanded to 40 miles or so the numbers exploded because that is the distance to the downtown area of the huge city. Many older professionals live downtown. The reality is the pool gets small or large depending on what is important and what is not. Height, income and race mean little to me.


    • For dating men, size is an interesting thing. I used to be fat (5’11” 265). I only dated thin women. When I began losing weight, some of the women I was dating were not happy with the transition. 200 pounds seems to be the sweet spot for me. I find it curious.


      • Well I don’t like fat men and wouldn’t have looked twice. I suppose it’s like the men who are thin and date large women. What I hated about online were the fat men who would state no fatties and then complain I rejected them. If a fat man can reject a fat woman, I can reject a fat man even though I’m not fat. The difference in not being nasty and judging men like me because they weren’t.


  3. Initially, my dating pool was too large. Online dating meant I could contact hundreds of women if I chose. I didn’t start out with a checklist. As I dated more women, I began to see I could be much more choosy. I decided only to date smart, attractive, kind, ambitious women. Then I refined it more to be only women who were a certain kind of smart, attractive, etc.

    I highly recommend online dating – at least for guys. I found many sites don’t work well, but a couple do.


  4. Very interesting study! I find it interesting that it says people don’t have a predetermined checklist in their head, but that instead the checklist is based on their options. I never thought of it that way! Thanks for sharing


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