While driving back on the highway from an absolutely emotionally draining weekend away, a Calvin Harris song came on and one of the lyrics kept resonating with me … “freedom is a lonely road”. It resonated with me because of my draining weekend, but also, because I’ve been toying with the idea of which is better, being alone or being with someone. Don’t get me wrong, both have pros and cons, but, at what point do you just throw in the towel? I never advocate giving up, but I certainly always encourage people to try because you really do never know. But back to freedom. By definition it gives the impression of open roads, fresh air and the world being you oyster (so to speak). Life is good when you’re free, but does it have to be lonely? I think, like with everything, it depends on perspective. How so? Well, it really depends on where you’re at in your life and depends on your definition of loneliness. Confused? Let me explain.
Why Freedom Really is a Lonely Road
Can you have your cake and eat it too? Most seem to think so, or at least that’s what they are looking for. Companionship AND freedom. What does that lead to? It leads to lots of people ending up in not so pleasant situations with people who were never really in it to begin with (like relationship teases). How exhausting! But in every experience is a lesson learned, in every experience is a step towards your best life. Freedom, in this instance is a lonely road because if you’re one of those people seeking companionship, you’re left starting over again (and again and again). No wonder so many people give up and just either settle for whatever to stop dating altogether. Which is the better alternative? Neither. Why? Because then you’re letting your bad experiences define you, because you’re letting the last asshole in your life define your path. Don’t give them that much power because they don’t deserve it, it’s yours and yours alone. But what does research say?
Apparently, according to research, 47% of people who are alone are not necessarily content (although they say/think they are). The study went on to say that “the best aspect about living alone could be summed up in one word: freedom … the nature of that freedom depended on individual circumstances but falls into two broad areas – freedom from ‘relationship hassles’, and freedom to ‘please myself ‘ … however, on the emotional side, the lack of someone ‘on tap’ to share things that had happened in their lives was often mentioned, especially by women. Other emotional drawbacks were the fact that it was sometimes difficult to get help and advice when making decisions; the lack of physical contact; or simply the need for some company. All of these could be supplied by a network of friends and non-cohabiting partners. But the fact that they were not always available just when they were needed could be a problem.” So freedom was great but came with its drawbacks as well, some pretty significant ones. So if this research is to be believed, freedom, although quite appealing, is a lonely road for many.
So what to do with all that freedom? Well, remember, single is NOT a bad word and you CAN be happily single. It all depends on what you choose to focus on. What’s important is remember is to not let loneliness cloud your judgement in dating. It can be hard to be alone, but it can also be a time for you to build on yourself, have a full life surround by people and things that make you happy until the RIGHT person comes into your life. Personally, I love my freedom. It’s a very rewarding time in my life, and, whether or not I’m with a partner I will still continue to enjoy my freedom because I truly believe being with the RIGHT partner is actually freeing in and of itself. So if your dating life seems like a constant losing battle and your freedom is a lonely road, chin up, all will be well. Just wait and see. Better to be on that lonely road as a free person than on that lonely road with the wrong partner.
READERS: Do you think freedom is lonely? What are your thoughts on loneliness and freedom? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Coach Suzie 
This one hit home for me, since I’m currently on the horns of this delemia, whether to be in a committed LTR or “play the field”?
I for one am enjoying the freedom for now, I’m one year out of my 2nd marriage and am in no hurry to rush into something serious again.
Unfortunately I’m over 40 and it seems that women my age have a passionate need to lock things down and since i don’t want to be a relationship tease i bowed out of the online dating game for a while until I figure out exactly what I want.
So until then I’m just concentrating on my own interests, but at times I’ll do miss the companionship of another person and i think i want a “lady friend” but then I shake it off and realize that a mate is not there to just keep me company I need to want someone that I genuinely want to spend time with.
So until then I’ll be the old guy at the bar trying not to give off that “creepy” vibe.
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I’m 2 years post separation (ex dragging out divorce-money) and have had one 6 month relationship and a 1 month, and several first dates. I’m 41 and really don’t have the patience to build some lost/damaged soul up again. I’ve done the work, counseling, divorcecare, church, being alone for the first year…but no men seem to have done any work on themselves. So all I seem to find are messed up projects. So I’ve now been alone for 4 months and can’t seem to make myself stick my toe back in the dating pool. Yes, I’m lonely, however, I’m not on high alert either when it comes to fishing for a relationship. Idk about anyone else but going on first dates is exhausting, mentally. Like an interview on your personality and you either pass or you don’t. So, for now, I’ll take the loneliness, instead of the ups and downs of dating. Becomes sometimes I’m lonely and other times I’m not. At least I’m not experiencing the super high and super lows of loving and having my heart broken. I’d rather have the love, but the fear of heartache keeps me in the “safer” lonely zone.
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Lori I hope things get better for you in the future, I personally enjoy first dates/meet ups because I have no expectations other than to have a good time and enjoy her company. This way if I don’t pass the test it’s no big deal and I had a nice time anyway.
Count yourself lucky you get asked out, as soon as women see that I don’t want to get married or have anymore kids I’m labeled a “playa” and get passed over.
Anyway good luck and keep swinging I’m sure you’ll connect with someone.
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I’m sort of in an interesting spot because I’m over 40 (44 to be exact)and while never married had a string of unsatisfying relationships. I prefer singledom to most of the men I dated. I would prefer to have a partner/husband but the pickings out there are disturbing with either guys who are previously married (almost always with kids), guys with illegitimate kids (what’s up with that trend?), or guys so used to be single that they don’t care or don’t make the effort? Most of the guys who try to make an effort to date me are only doing it because I provide something they want (like money or babysitting when it comes to single dads, or counseling when it comes to inexperienced single men). So right now am concentrating on my business and my self and take it from there.
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Lonely is an interesting word because I think you can be alone without being lonely. On the other hand you CAN have freedom and companionship if you choose the right person. Great tips and advice as always Diva 😉
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Good post about the conception and reality of being single. It is definitely more satisfying in some aspects, like being able to do whatever you want, but when I was on my own (for many years), I did crave companionship. Being single is a great opportunity to build your life, your identity, and truly find your interests – for this reason, I’m glad I didn’t marry or live with a partner when I was younger. It really helped me understand what I wanted, and that I didn’t want to be with someone just to avoid feeling lonely. Loneliness passes, for sure.
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