What does it really mean when someone says they think you’re great but they’re just “not ready” to date anyone? You might be surprised to learn that perhaps it means something completely different. I’m sure it’s happened to you before, you meet a great person and you have great chemistry. Everything seems to be going great but you just can’t get them to “seal the deal”. They keep telling you that “they aren’t ready”. Perhaps they are recently single, or, they just have a lot of baggage they are carrying, or, they say are just too busy to commit to anyone. Whatever the reason, they tell you they aren’t ready. They like you … BUT. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been on both sides of the coin too. The question is, are they really “not ready” to date? One reader asked me that very question …
Ask Single Dating Diva: Are They Really “Not Ready” to Date?
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’m currently single and dating. I am having a lot of trouble meeting men who want to commit. It’s becoming more and more difficult to get someone to give a relationship a try. I’m at my whit’s end. Recently, my friend introduced me to a man who I just adored. We got along so great and had lots of chemistry, at least that’s the impression I got. Things were going great, we were spending lots of time together and I was so hopeful, he gave me no reason not to be, but, and, of course, there’s a but, he kept saying that although he loved spending time with me he wasn’t ready to date someone seriously (he was separated earlier that year). We slid into the friend zone eventually and recently he told me he met with someone and was dating her seriously. But, this wasn’t too long after we took it to the friend zone. So what gives? I thought he wasn’t ready? Is it me? Did I do something to turn him off? I don’t understand and I’m so sad about this.
Not “The One”
Hello Not “The One”,
Thank you for your question. I can definitely relate to your frustration. This has happened to me more times than I’d like to admit. It’s definitely confusing, I mean, if they’re “not ready” to be with you then why are they ready to be with someone else? I’ve asked myself the same question, until I did it to someone myself. I really enjoyed their company and we had a great time together. We definitely had chemistry, but, I just didn’t “feel it”. I kept going back to “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now” and “I’m too busy to date someone seriously”. I definitely justified not wanting to “seal the deal” with this genuinely great person because, to be honest, they just didn’t do it for me. It wasn’t anything they did wrong, I just didn’t feel it. Then I did meet someone who DID do it for me. I definitely “felt it” and had no question about wanting to “seal the deal”.
So what was it that was the difference? The first guy was a great guy, I can’t say anything bad about him at all, but, something inside me just didn’t feel it for them. Then when I met bachelor number two they totally did do it for me. The chemistry was undeniable and things fell into place on their own. No doubts or questions asked. So what’s the deal? The deal is that if you don’t feel it, then you don’t feel it and often times someone who says they’re “not ready” to date just doesn’t feel it with you, especially if they do date someone else. Remember I’ve always maintained that when someone wants to be with you, they WILL BE, regardless of what’s going on in their life. You don’t have to wonder or worry or have anxiety, it just happens naturally.
Someone who truly isn’t ready won’t date you or anyone else. They may like spending time with people and meeting new potentials but they don’t officially date, they hang out with people or just “hook up”. It’s more about companionship and ego and not being with anyone, but unfortunately, they end up leading people on and hurting others. Some people who truly aren’t ready, however, don’t even date at all and work on unpacking their baggage. Others use the “not ready” as an excuse because they don’t want to tell you they’re not interested in you that way.
If you really look hard enough and not get lost in wishful thinking, then you won’t get caught up with someone who really isn’t interested. If this is something that happens often to you then you might be reading signals wrong and seeing things that aren’t truly there. Remember, when someone says they’re not ready or makes excuses then don’t bother because for whatever reason deep down inside they don’t feel you’re the right person for them. Don’t beat yourself up about it, most likely you didn’t do anything wrong, you just weren’t what they were needing or wanting or looking for. Move on and say NEXT!
I’m sorry for your experience, I know how crappy it is because I’ve been there too (as many others have). I certainly know how challenging it is to meet a partner these days, especially the right partner, but don’t give up. It’s worth the wait, regardless of how painful the wait can be. You get what you put out there so try your best to stay positive and be grateful for each experience you have because it helps you grow and learn. In the meantime, keep dating and meeting new people, be open to new experiences and different types of men, while living your life in the best way possible.
READERS: Have you ever been in this situation? How did you cope? How did it make you feel? What advice would you give this reader? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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