First dates are hard enough without having to worry about where this date is going … are they the one you’ve been waiting for? Are they someone you can picture yourself with? Did you make a mistake? Why are you here? Do they look like their picture? Are they who I thought they would be? A million and one things are flowing through your head that you can hardly focus on your actual date! I’m here to tell you to STOP! Why? Because all you need to do is pay attention to THESE TWO THINGS on your first date!
Pay Attention to THESE TWO THINGS On Your First Date
We’ve all been guilty of overthinking on a first date. We come with our own agenda as well as our expectations that we project on the unsuspecting date. Where does that leave us? Well, either we ignore red flags and pursue a dead end OR we let go someone who’s potentially great. Either way, we lose. First date after first date, we wonder why we are so unlucky in love, we wonder why we always meet and attract the WRONG people. Did you ever think that perhaps, you are approaching this all wrong? That maybe, just maybe, you need to do a better job of managing dating expectations? Because really, yes really, you need only pay attention to THESE TWO THINGS on your first date!
First Date Focus One: Attraction
I always hear people feeling like they want to explain themselves or feel guilty for looking to be physically attracted to someone before they can date them. Is physical attraction important when dating? A BIG FAT YES! Of course, it is! It’s the first thing people see when they encounter someone. I don’t care how shallow that may seem but it’s human nature! You’re either attracted to someone or you’re not … it isn’t something you can “fake it till you make it”. Why do you think apps such as Tinder are so popular? They’re based on physical attraction first, everything else later.
If you can’t look at someone and picture yourself kissing them, hugging them or doing whatever with them then that’s NOT a good thing. Yes, there’s a lot more to learn about someone BUT on a first date, you need to assess if there’s a physical attraction or not. Don’t feel bad or guilty about it. Just pay attention to it.
First Date Focus Two: Repeat Encounters
The second thing you need to focus on is “is this person someone I want to see again / spend more time with?”. Simple. Did you enjoy your date? Did they leave you wanting more? Were they someone you want to get to know better? It is really simple actually. You either enjoyed your date and want to repeat, or not. If you didn’t then just walk away and never look back. Of course, you need to take into account nervousness as well as other factors BUT there really has to be something pulling you back to them. You either feel it or you don’t. There’s no “gray area” here.
Ask yourself if the conversation is flowing, is there some sort of comfort level, do you have positive feelings about them, if your instincts tell you that this person is worth getting to know … all these things will factor into your decision of whether you want a second date or not.
These things apply from the other end too. You need to make sure that you put your best foot forward physically on a date, clothes, hair, grooming, hygiene … AND be a great, interesting date that keeps people coming back for more!
Many of us overthink a first date. We give too much weight to our first dates when in fact we really shouldn’t. Keep your dreams, agendas, expectations and overthinking at the door and just ENJOY the process and don’t worry about the outcome. Solid relationships develop over time, slow and steady wins the race, not whirlwind romances NOR overthinking. Just have fun on your date and you only need to assess whether – 1 – you’re attracted to the person, and, – 2 – if you want to see them again. Plain. Simple. THIS is how you set yourself up for dating success. Over time you will be able to narrow down and weed out anyone from the get go, stop wasting your time in dead end dating and attract the love you desire!
READERS: What do you look for on a first date? Are you guilty of ever overthinking on a first date? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
If you need help with finding your true path in love, check out my dating support services here (I can create packages and services that meet any budget): https://singledatingdiva.com/helping-you-find-love/
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Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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Great post and I agree. Attraction can grow but if nothing is there right away that is a problem. I went on an online dating like this before. He was a nice guy but neither of us felt a spark and we struggled to chat. Needless to say, we never saw each other again.
Very good article. Yes, that is correct without attraction nothing good will come out from that date. I agree with you. Thanks for sharing this.
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