Single and Dating Life: Liar Liar … Why Are Your Pants On Fire? (A Cheater’s Tale)

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!” ~Sir Walter Scott

This is a tale, not of woe, but of a cheater who finally got what was coming to him.  It’s not my story, but that of a close friend of mine.  She dated a professional cheater and unraveled his lies, deceit and by doing so unleashed a story that must be told.  Naughty boys … will they never learn?  

This tale starts in October of last year.  While testing the online dating waters, she met a guy who seemed great.  She had been very clear in her profile that she values honesty and was looking for a decent guy.  He seemed to fit what she was looking for so they chatted for about a week and then finally met over a nice romantic dinner.  It turned out they went to High School together and he had a huge crush on her, he was so excited to finally get his chance with her.  The date went extremely well and he wanted to take it further, but she didn’t find it appropriate for the first date.  They continued to speak often and meet during the day for lunch or coffee.  Things seemed to be going great.  They were in constant communication, even while he was away for work or different occasions.  Second date came along and she invited him over to her house for dinner and as they shared a bottle of wine they laughed and talked and he ended up spending the night.  It was great, no complaints.  She thought, wow, this guy was great.  They later decided to make it official – he insisted they were in a relationship (hmm sounds familiar).

Time went on and they kept seeing more and more of each other.  Even when he went out with his “friends” he would message her, even taking pictures of himself where he was to “prove” he wasn’t lying.  He was just so taken by her that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her.  Or, that’s what he said.  He started “cancelling” plans for good reasons … you know the good excuses you can’t dispute … kids are sick, parent is in the hospital, he’s sick, getting a colonoscopy … you know.  She wanted to be there for him but he didn’t want to “burden” her.  So she took it, but with a grain of salt, but she couldn’t dispute those reasons could she?  But she started being more aware of his actions.  Nights where he was supposed to spend the night, he came up with excuses and then he would show up out of the blue on other nights.  Poor guy had such a crazy schedule with work, his kids and his parents.  He wanted to see her so bad … he was suffering without her.  He needed her so bad but he had all these obligations (wait wait hand me a kleenex).  He then started saying he tried contacting her but she never seemed to get the messages.

She was getting more and more suspicious of his actions.  One night she was over and he was sneak texting someone at 1:00AM … and quickly puts his phone away when he saw that she noticed.  After that, she started what she liked to call her “drive by” every time he cancelled plans or made excuses.  She found out something quite interesting – a red car in the driveway – every time.  She confronted him about it and he said it was an old friend just out of an abusive marriage and, as a lawyer, he was helping her.  Sure.  Well he tried to contact her after that repeatedly and she refused to speak to him or see him.  She values honesty and he wasn’t an honest man.  She was done.  But, she wasn’t going to let it go.  She just couldn’t, she wanted to know who this other woman was.  So she decided to “woo” him into a trap.  Was it revenge? Retribution? Well, whatever it was, she needed to know … and she wanted this other girl to know as well.  They went out for a “reunion” date and she saw his phone vibrate and the name of his “friend” with a heart as the message.  He quickly puts the phone in his pocket.  She played the fool, she had to trap him somehow, but he was good … covered his tracks.  She wasn’t going to give up that easy though!

She keeps making plans with him, he keeps up his old tricks of excuses and lies.  Every time she thinks she “has” him he eludes her somehow, but she wasn’t going to stop, she couldn’t – for her sake and for the sake of any woman that came after her.  He kept texting this friend and sneak texting in the middle of the night.  She kept pretending not to notice.  She started being able to know his moves before he made them so she was ready.  One time he cancelled because his boss had supposedly called him frantically to go on a business trip suddenly and he had to leave. She said OK sure, she would go with him no problem, her expense.  But at least she would get to spend time with him.  He panicked and started making phone calls with no one on the other end of the line and left.  He ended up not having to go on the trip (how convenient) but had to go to work and stay there late but he promised to see her after.

That week she went for a coffee with an old High School friend and she shared her story and she shared this “friend’s” name and he thought he knew who she was because they dated briefly as well.  He was going to try and ask her if she was dating anyone.  Things started getting tense and they started talking and seeing each other less.  She needed to know, but how to find out?   New Year’s Eve he sends her a message that he was stuck at his parents’ house drunk.  A couple weeks later he started texting her more frequently … and sending her hot steamy messages.  She decided to play along.  He invited her over to have a talk.  She thought perhaps it was to come clean, but it wasn’t.  He gives her more stories and excuses.  Then, she decides to confront him with the other woman’s name.  She tells him that she will contact his ex wife and his girlfriend and he panics.  She used the name she suspected and he reacted.  She knew she had the right girl.

She decided to contact her, so she sent her an email.  She explained her story with him and that she had proof of the everything.  The girlfriend wanted this proof and she happily provided it.  The girlfriend was distraught, she had no idea.  She thought he was faithful.  They even wore matching commitment rings (the same ring he wore on his finger when sleeping with others).  Apparently, they had been together since early the previous year.  They compared stories and whenever he cancelled and made excuses to one, he was with the other.  She reported him to the online dating site and they are now investigating his activities.  He, of course, is going crazy with panic.  Just to add some spice to the story, the ex wife contacted my friend and told her about his infidelities in their marriage.

How is my friend?  She is doing great.  She feels better for exposing the deceitful liar.  If only we could all see these people for who they really are.  How do you know?  These guys talk the good talk and work their magic.  But you know what, women aren’t stupid anymore … liars will always be exposed one way or another.  Love isn’t a game.  Honesty will always get you what you want and what you need … what do they say? “Cheaters never prosper” … they really don’t do they?  They are the ones that will always lose in the end.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. for her sake and for the sake of any woman that came after her.

    How altruistic. Complete crap but altruistic. Why would *any* woman stick around for this sort of behavior for any other reason other than she didn’t want to lose him?

    This is unnecessary melodrama. The signs were there all along (her wore a ring???) , and she ignored them. Only when they were confirmed did she decide to “act.” And that was probably motivated more by her desire to scare these other women off the guy’s trail so she could have him to herself. Or so he couldn’t have anybody if he didn’t just have her. It’s not something to be proud of.

    When women say things in their profiles like they value honesty or don’t want any games/drama it sends a clear signal to the players that she has fallen for this sort of shadiness in the past and likely will again. Then there’s the whole “I had a crush on you in HS” story. Then he “insists” they are in a relationship after, what, three or four dates? And don’t forget the ring. And the canceling. And the texts. And possibly the fact that he never actually said to her or promised that she was the only woman he was dating. You made no mention of *exactly* what he pledged.

    Come on. Women should just walk away from these assholes. He’s not panicking in the slightest. He already has a new mark or two. All this drama is feeding his ego. And all the women he “burned” have is their collective misery and bitterness. What a waste of energy.


    • Thanks for your feedback … but I believe everyone deals with things differently. She’s moved on and left things behind, she got the closure she needed. Perhaps it’s not how I would have proceeded, but it worked for her.


  2. Ha! Your friend’s commons sense and intuition gave her the answer long before she exposed him. Given that he wasn’t her husband I’m glad she got out and could just walk away. I almost wish she hadn’t spent the time making her case, but on the other hand, at least sometimes there should be immediate, uncomfortable consequences to bad behavior. What a jerk. Why did he work so hard to make a relationship out of it when he already was in one? Ugh.


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