Relationships aren’t easy.  We think perhaps they should be, but, in all honesty, they aren’t.  Is there anything wrong with that? Not at all.  All things that come easy usually go easy.  All things we have to work and make an effort for we typically appreciate more and end up being more successful.  Why is that? It’s because we value whatever it is enough to ensure its success, we don’t want it to fail, we want it to succeed.  Plain. Simple.  So what does building a relationship on solid ground have to do with this? Well, frankly, EVERYTHING.

When we meet someone new, we decide whether or not we want this person to be part of our life on a more permanent basis.  If we decide that we do then we do everything we can to make it happen.  It’s during these beginning stages that the building begins.  Building a relationship on solid ground starts at the beginning.  If it’s that important, then why do people rather build on sand and not rocks?  They do it because it’s easier.  Cut corners and hope for the best.  Well, let’s explore the difference.

Building a Relationship on Sand

When you cut corners and rush things you risk building your new relationship on sand.  While there are no hard and fast rules for how long you should wait for what, there are certainly some things that do you in early on.  For instance, you might find yourself on unstable ground when:

• you ignore red flags
• you ignore your gut instincts
• you haven’t established exclusivity
• you fall in love/are infatuated too quickly
• set your expectations too high too soon
• have sex too soon and your relationship is based on sex first
• you/they forget the “I” and it all becomes about “WE”
• you/they haven’t dealt with your previous relationship baggage
• you/they become obsessed with seeing them/you all the time and can’t stop contacting

Building a Relationship on Solid Ground

Most people spend their time trying to find someone to sleep with, instead of finding someone worth waking up to. You know that’s true.  So what can you do to change that? Well, here are some tips.

• things move at a reasonable pace
• you talk about real things – hopes, dreams, goals, aspirations, life
• you have sex when it feels right for both of you (it should happen naturally and after you’ve established exclusivity)
• you are comfortable together and aren’t afraid to share your true self
• you are true to you
• you/they are honest about everything in their life and have nothing to hide
• there is mutual trust and no reason is ever given to doubt
• there is friendship above all else
• there is mutual respect and no public outbursts of malcontent (all disagreements should be in private)
• you can have adult discussions about disagreements
• you are very attracted to each other and there is passion between you
• there is equality in affection and presence in the relationship

So there you go.  Building relationships on solid ground gives them strength and endurance.  You need solid ground to weather those inevitable storms.  No relationships are perfect and are all works in progress, but, relationships built on solid ground stand the test of time easier that those built on sand.  So, ask yourself, which relationship do you prefer?  Then why, time and again, do you settle for a sandy foundation? I recently asked myself the same question.  Now, I’m doing better and will do better.  How about you?

How would you build a relationship on solid ground?  Do you think people make the effort or prefer to cut corners? Would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva