Ask Single Dating Diva: Dating Advice for the Flirting Impaired

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions and emails about readers who are having difficulty deciphering whether or not someone is actually flirting with them because they like them or if they are just flirting for attention. Some people like playing games and others are natural flirts. That can definitely be confusing for the best of us, but really, how do you know? A while back I wrote a post called “Wink 😉 and a Smile 🙂 … the Art of Flirting” where I spoke about flirting and some basic tips on what works and what doesn’t, but one reader wanted some dating advice for the flirting impaired from the receiver’s point of you… essentially, how to read flirting signals.

dating-advice-flirtingDear Single Dating Diva,

I’m having so much trouble figuring out when women are actually flirting with me. It seems like they are interested and then they reject me. Then there are those who I don’t approach because I’m not sure and it turns out they are interested. How do I know if someone actually likes me or not?

Sincerely,

Flirting Impaired

Dear Flirting Impaired,

Thank you for your email and your question. I completely agree reading someone’s signals can be both frustrating and confusing. It’s easy to misinterpret a friendly gesture for flirting and vice versa.  So how do you know? Well, you don’t, not really. It’s about trial and error. Practice makes perfect, right? Both men and women can be guilty of sending mixed signals, on purpose or not. So how do you really know? What signs should you look for? How can you tell? Well, I’ll give you some clues and the rest is up to you!

Dating Advice for the Flirting Impaired

So what do you look for when trying to read flirting signals?

  • Eye Contact: When someone’s interested, they will look at you time and again. They will check you out repeatedly.
  • Smile: When someone smiles at you that’s a definite sign that they are trying to be friendly (and maybe more!) and more often then not it’s an encouragement to you to approach.
  • Body Language: Usually someone who’s interested will lean forward towards you. Their body will be open, no crossed arms, etc. Men will push their chest out, women will cross their legs.
  • Head: Usually someone’s head will tilt towards you or to one side in a playful way.
  • Hands: Some people get fidgety with their hands. For example, women will play with their hair or touch their body or face.
  • Mirroring: When someone is interested in what you have to say and want to impress you they usually mirror your actions.

These are just some of the basics, but generally these will give you your first indication that someone might be interested. If you do see these signals, reciprocate with your own and see if they continue. If they do then approach them and say hello. No pick up lines necessary, just say “hi my name is ___”. Make reference to something you’re both doing or seeing or your surroundings or whatever. If they are interested they will continue the conversation, if not they will leave. It’s OK to be rejected, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on to the next!

Ask-Single-Dating-DivaJust because someone flirts with you doesn’t necessarily mean they are interested in you. As I said earlier, some people just flirt because they like the attention it gets them. There’s no way of knowing unless you try. You need to take the chance and approach them if you’re interested. Don’t expect anything other than meeting someone new. If something happens great, if not then it’s equally great, it’s just practice! Enjoy the process and don’t worry about the outcome.

Hope this helps!

Readers, do you have any dating advice for the flirting impaired? How do you know if someone is really interested or just having fun? I would love to hear about it in the comments.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

13 comments

  1. I’m a HUGE flirt, but generally only when I’m into a person. I’m so blatant that if the other person doesn’t respond I know they are either really flirting impaired/blind/daft – or they are not interested.

    But I have to say, even with my blatant flirting, some people later say “I had no idea you liked me”. Open your eyes my dears and take a chance!

    Think about it. If she’s not into you, it’s mild rejection. Not everybody will be into everybody. But, if you take a chance, stand tall and proud and make a move, you’ll impress her even more.

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    • Well said Christina! Loved your ” if the other person doesn’t respond I know they are either really flirting impaired/blind/daft ” Ha ha … daft 🙂

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    • What’s missing in this conversation is the tendency for men to misinterpret friendliness as interest. So after a few hundred rejections because the woman was just being friendly men stop wanting to waste time. And to women it’s perceived as a mild rejection. I don’t think women who don’t ask men out are qualified to speak to the rejection men feel. Men can expect to be rejected 80 – 90% of the time(look it up). You get a long string of rejections it can wear down even the most confident men.

      Am I complaining? No. I accept these as facts of life. Just remember the man you are interested in may have just been rejected three or four times that week alone. And some of these women may have been flirty. So when you flirt with them they may just not want to be bothered at that time. We need a break sometimes.

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  2. I usually start out with noticing the things you pointed out above. If she is smiling at me, if her body language is open and mirrors mine, then I give it a shot and start a conversation. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I just use the old saying that you can never get a hit if you don’t swing the bat. You’re going to get rejected at times, but you’ll never meet a woman if you never make a move in the first place.

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