Lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions and emails about readers who are having difficulty deciphering whether or not someone is actually flirting with them because they like them or if they are just flirting for attention. Some people like playing games and others are natural flirts. That can definitely be confusing for the best of us, but really, how do you know? A while back I wrote a post called “Wink 😉 and a Smile 🙂 … the Art of Flirting” where I spoke about flirting and some basic tips on what works and what doesn’t, but one reader wanted some dating advice for the flirting impaired from the receiver’s point of you… essentially, how to read flirting signals.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’m having so much trouble figuring out when women are actually flirting with me. It seems like they are interested and then they reject me. Then there are those who I don’t approach because I’m not sure and it turns out they are interested. How do I know if someone actually likes me or not?
Dear Flirting Impaired,
Thank you for your email and your question. I completely agree reading someone’s signals can be both frustrating and confusing. It’s easy to misinterpret a friendly gesture for flirting and vice versa. So how do you know? Well, you don’t, not really. It’s about trial and error. Practice makes perfect, right? Both men and women can be guilty of sending mixed signals, on purpose or not. So how do you really know? What signs should you look for? How can you tell? Well, I’ll give you some clues and the rest is up to you!
Dating Advice for the Flirting Impaired
So what do you look for when trying to read flirting signals?
- Eye Contact: When someone’s interested, they will look at you time and again. They will check you out repeatedly.
- Smile: When someone smiles at you that’s a definite sign that they are trying to be friendly (and maybe more!) and more often then not it’s an encouragement to you to approach.
- Body Language: Usually someone who’s interested will lean forward towards you. Their body will be open, no crossed arms, etc. Men will push their chest out, women will cross their legs.
- Head: Usually someone’s head will tilt towards you or to one side in a playful way.
- Hands: Some people get fidgety with their hands. For example, women will play with their hair or touch their body or face.
- Mirroring: When someone is interested in what you have to say and want to impress you they usually mirror your actions.
These are just some of the basics, but generally these will give you your first indication that someone might be interested. If you do see these signals, reciprocate with your own and see if they continue. If they do then approach them and say hello. No pick up lines necessary, just say “hi my name is ___”. Make reference to something you’re both doing or seeing or your surroundings or whatever. If they are interested they will continue the conversation, if not they will leave. It’s OK to be rejected, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on to the next!
Just because someone flirts with you doesn’t necessarily mean they are interested in you. As I said earlier, some people just flirt because they like the attention it gets them. There’s no way of knowing unless you try. You need to take the chance and approach them if you’re interested. Don’t expect anything other than meeting someone new. If something happens great, if not then it’s equally great, it’s just practice! Enjoy the process and don’t worry about the outcome.
Hope this helps!
Readers, do you have any dating advice for the flirting impaired? How do you know if someone is really interested or just having fun? I would love to hear about it in the comments.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
I’m a HUGE flirt, but generally only when I’m into a person. I’m so blatant that if the other person doesn’t respond I know they are either really flirting impaired/blind/daft – or they are not interested.
But I have to say, even with my blatant flirting, some people later say “I had no idea you liked me”. Open your eyes my dears and take a chance!
Think about it. If she’s not into you, it’s mild rejection. Not everybody will be into everybody. But, if you take a chance, stand tall and proud and make a move, you’ll impress her even more.
Well said Christina! Loved your ” if the other person doesn’t respond I know they are either really flirting impaired/blind/daft ” Ha ha … daft 🙂
What’s missing in this conversation is the tendency for men to misinterpret friendliness as interest. So after a few hundred rejections because the woman was just being friendly men stop wanting to waste time. And to women it’s perceived as a mild rejection. I don’t think women who don’t ask men out are qualified to speak to the rejection men feel. Men can expect to be rejected 80 – 90% of the time(look it up). You get a long string of rejections it can wear down even the most confident men.
Am I complaining? No. I accept these as facts of life. Just remember the man you are interested in may have just been rejected three or four times that week alone. And some of these women may have been flirty. So when you flirt with them they may just not want to be bothered at that time. We need a break sometimes.
Right on brother Michael. I don’t know how many times I have been rejected, to find out later that a lady was actually really interested in me, but was playing hard to get. A guys ” give a damn” breaks after awhile 🙂 I have the feeling now if some lady is interested in me, I ask myself … “what does she want from me!” 🙂
Mixed signals are difficult I know Dan, but we just have to weed through them somehow.
True, Suzie! The problem is there are so many weeds, that it’s hard to find that sweet flower of a women 🙂
If she’s playing hard to get, be thankful she “rejected” you and you move on. Who has time for games? Other people’s rejection is for your protection.
It goes both ways though Michael. You win some and you lose some.
Thanks Christina. I like what you said “not everybody will be into everybody”. You’re right. You just need to take a chance and if it doesn’t work then move on.
I usually start out with noticing the things you pointed out above. If she is smiling at me, if her body language is open and mirrors mine, then I give it a shot and start a conversation. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I just use the old saying that you can never get a hit if you don’t swing the bat. You’re going to get rejected at times, but you’ll never meet a woman if you never make a move in the first place.
Thanks Don. You just need to try, you don’t know unless you try, right? Just make a move and see where it goes.
What a great read and inspiring for people who need to take a little chance and flirt…
Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!
Comments are closed.