Let’s face it, there is a sort of peacefulness and security that comes with predictability. Most people don’t do well with situations that are seemingly out of control or new. Same goes for dating. Most people keep going back to the same habits with the same type of people who always behave in the way that is expected. Studies have shown that “people are much more comfortable with anxiety-provoking events that are predictable.” Trust the devil you know, right? It’s like a vicious endless cycle … and then they wonder why they’re still single. So are we addicted to dating predictability? I say yes, yes we are and only by embracing the chaos will we get the stability we seek. No, I’m not crazy … hear me out.
Are We Addicted to Dating Predictability?
I’m not saying predictability is a bad thing, routine is a good thing, for some things in our lives, but it doesn’t work for dating. Actually, being addicted to dating predictability suffocates your love life. In order to meet someone in this volatile dating environment you need to think outside of the box and embrace novelty. It’s so easy to stay in your comfort zone, I know, I get it … I love my comfort zone and love my routine, but it’s only when I stepped out of that dating comfort zone that I became successful. There’s a quote by Albert Einstein that says “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” What does that mean really? It means that we get addicted to predictability and we keep trying the same thing over and over and over again and think that next time it will work when really we just keep repeating our mistakes time and again. But it’s our comfort zone, we know what to expect and how to react and how to bounce back from it. It’s routine, a cycle. It’s when you get out of this hamster wheel that you realize that there’s a more exciting world out there.
Some examples of being addicted to dating predictability could be:
- only dating people with one certain physical characteristic (for example, only dating red heads (not that there’s anything wrong with red heads LOL))
- only dating people who are educated because you think they are more intelligent
- only dating people who make a certain amount of money
- only dating bad boys / drama queens
- staying away from people who actually are serious about having a relationship (because you’re actually emotionally unavailable but don’t want to admit it to yourself)
- being too clingy on a date or jumping into “serious relationship” talk too early
- only choosing emotionally unavailable people because you know it’s not going to work out
- accepting relationship statuses that you actually don’t want (like Friends With Benefits, Casual Dating, etc)
- thinking your booty call will become a relationship
- stick to one form of meeting new people like online dating or bars or even nothing
- always dating people you know will treat you poorly
- always dating people with baggage
- dating people who you think you can save
You get the idea … we self sabotage our dating life by being addicted to dating predictability. That comfort zone could very well be killing your chances at finding your happily ever after. So, you need to ask yourself why you’re being so unsuccessful? The thing I hate to hear the most is that “all men are the same” or “all women are the same”. I hate it. If you are making the wrong choices in dating why blame everyone else? Your bad choices, your pattern, your baggage and addiction to dating predictability is your problem, not theirs. It your baggage that’s holding you back and you know it. Perhaps you aren’t ready to meet someone, perhaps you have things you need to deal with, maybe you have a certain type of person in mind and you won’t give anyone else a chance. Only you know what the issue is. For me, it was that I wasn’t ready to meet anyone soon after my divorce. It took me a couple of years to be ready actually and to learn what I really wanted in a partner, in a companion. I was also emotionally unavailable and I didn’t even realize it. Only when I really asked myself the hard questions did I see where I was at and what I really wanted in a companion and what kind of partner I wanted to be.
Some self reflection goes a long way. If you are putting real effort in trying to meet someone and everything you’re doing isn’t working then I challenge you to ask yourself a very serious question … are you addicted to dating predictability? Also, get out of your comfort zone and try something new, date someone totally not your type and put yourself out there! You never know, a happy surprise could be waiting for you on the the other side of predictability!
READERS: Did you ever notice a dating pattern in your life? Are you or have you been addicted to dating predictability? Share your story or thoughts in the comments section below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva