We spend our lives trying to find that one person that fulfills all our needs, but, can one person REALLY fulfill ALL our needs? I recently was having a discussion with a friend of mine who’s struggling with this same question, and, in all reality so am I. I think it’s about distinguishing needs versus wants. Realistically, we often get wants and needs mixed up. I’ve spoken about primal instincts, needs, dating and sex before and came to the conclusion that we all have primal needs that require fulfillment, especially in a relationship. Those needs dictate the success or failure of a relationship.
When you meet someone new, for example, what is it that attracts them to you and makes you want to keep them around for an extended period of time? It’s that they somehow fulfill a need that you have. If they are just fulfilling a want, the fire burns out pretty quickly. So the question is, what are your wants and what are your needs and can one person fulfill them? Hmm not sure … I guess it really depends on what your deepest needs are, right? I think relationship needs include intimacy, trust, time, sex, someone who’s got your back, respect, security … just to name a few. True not one person can be everything but they should be the most important things that you need. I think that on the most part, we can find the one person that fulfills all our needs. How? Well, read on …
Can One Person Fulfill All Our Needs?
I was recently reading an article called Are You with the Right Mate? and the author challenged the readers to discern whether or not their partner was really the right person for them. Essentially, when meeting someone new, we have the same high as we would with a drug. The infatuation is pretty strong and leads us to think they are great for us, especially if they are just what we feel was missing from our lives. Unfortunately, that high eventually wears off and we’re left questioning our decision. This comes back to wants versus needs. We may have WANTED what that person was selling BUT was it what we really NEEDED? Only you can answer that.
So when the “honeymoon phase is over”, you start to panic, but, as the author states “that’s because you’re accustomed to thinking, Cinderella-like, that there is only one right person. The consequences of such a pervasive belief are harsh. We engage in destructive behaviors, like blaming our partner for our unhappiness or searching for someone outside the relationship,” but in mature love “we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don’t blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods.” But, does it mean we’re with the wrong person? Not necessarily.
Some psychologists insist that no one is going to get ALL their needs met in a relationship, which I tend to agree with, but I think not all needs are created equal. Although we do need to have some give and take, we certainly can’t compromise on our core beliefs and what is truly important to us. It’s also about being realistic about your expectations. Which is why I always say that relationship success has everything to do with your choice of partner. Relationships should just fall into place like finding a missing puzzle piece and shouldn’t require too much effort. Especially in the beginning, but people push too hard to make someone fit when really they don’t and instead of moving on to finding the right person, they stay in unhappy situations.
In the above mentioned article, the author went on to say that “one of the most common reasons we choose the wrong partner is that we do not know who we are or what we really want. It’s hard to choose someone capable of understanding you and meeting your most guarded emotional needs and with whom your values are compatible when you don’t know what your needs or values are or haven’t developed the confidence to voice them unabashedly.” So there you go. When you know yourself and what you really inherently need in a partner you will have the confidence to choose that person to be in your life and let go of something or someone that just doesn’t fit. Sounds simpler than it is, I know, but it really is that simple. We just complicate things.
So can one person fulfill all our needs, I think that if we are realistic about our needs and know what is really important to us, then yes, i think one person CAN fulfill all our needs. We just need to be honest with ourselves and find that missing puzzle piece that will make our worlds a better place to be. Some needs can be fulfilled by our family and friends, but our inherent relationship needs yes can be filled by one person. That one person that can really fulfill us and we fulfill them. You might think I’m being delusional but I believe it really is possible and that we shouldn’t settle for less. I know I won’t settle for less! Plain. Simple.
READERS: What do you think? Can one person fulfill all our needs? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
I think I have a little different take on this. Not sure if I agree or if I’m coming from a different point of view so hear me out.
When it comes to needs, we have all different kinds. I don’t think the need to be in a relationship is a valid need. And would actually argue that if we’re approaching any relationship from a place of need, then we and the relationship are already in trouble.
We have social and emotional needs and I think we’re meant to have our deepest needs fulfilled from different types of people. We need strong social connections to help strengthen our sense of self, we need validation and guidance. We need people we can turn to who we know we can trust when we have problems.
One of those people can be the person we’re in a relationship with. But I think the relationship can only be healthy if we have other strong connections in our life to fulfill our needs. For example, we can turn to our relationship partner when we need help and guidance on some kind of life issue like our career, or problems we’re having with a friend or co-worker.
But, if the relationship itself becomes a problem (as they all do at some point) then we had better have some connection with someone else we can trust to be open and honest with to give us a fresh perspective on things.
Anyway, I hope this makes sense. Thank you for the post.
Thanks for your comment Paul. I don’t think we disagree, we’re just coming at it from a different perspective. I do mention that I’m referring to particular relationship needs. No one person can be everything to you, and I write often about having a life apart from your partner is not only healthy it’s necessary. Thanks again for your comment! Wish you the best Paul.
I think it’s true. You need to know yourself and what you want exactly. Determine wants from needs. And a life from your partner can be healthy, depending on what the life is. If its a secret double life,then that isn’t healthy.
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