Many people I meet with are at their whit’s end after dating one person after another unsuccessfully. They’ve tried it all but to no avail. So what’s the problem? Are they missing something? Is it them or are there really no quality people left to date anymore? Is there a secret to dating successfully? Well, yes and no. I recently read a great article called Why Dating Often Fails and How You Can Succeed! It approached the issue from a psychological perspective and essentially spoke about approached dating like a job search. Yes, you heard me right. I know what you may be thinking, the thing we all hate about dating is the “interview” feel of it. But stay with me here, there’s a method to this madness. The secret to dating successfully? Well, read on to find out …
The Secret to Dating Successfully
In the article, the author speaks about the following things you need to do in order to date successfully (as related to an employer looking for a new hire). You need to:
1. Know what you want and what you’re willing to give in a relationship (develop a job description).
2. Find and attract potential partners (solicit potential applicants).
3. Evaluate their general ability to be a good partner (evaluate applicants).
4. Date them for awhile, educate them about what you want, and see whether they can deliver (train and assess temporary hires).
What he goes on to say is that most people spend too much time in the “find and attract” and “evaluate” stages and leave the other ones behind. This, he argues, is why so many people are unsuccessful at dating. He goes on to say that “we all have different needs, wants, and desires. Therefore, who is “right” for me isn’t necessarily “right” for you.” This is why all four steps are necessary in order for someone to find the RIGHT partner and not just any partner. By knowing what you want, you will seek out the right person for you, the same way an employer has a the qualities and skills of a potential employer identified. In order to be truly successful at dating you need to follow through on all four steps in order so that you seek out the right candidate and do your due diligence to ensure they are right for “the job”.
So essentially, “figure out what you want. Then find people who might fit and give them a date or two and see. Date those who show potential, tell them what you like, and see how they behave. Hire those who can truly fill the “relationship role” and fire the rest.” Sounds easy enough right? Well, in my personal opinion when you narrow the possibilities you also have to accept that it will take more time to find the right candidate. That’s not such a bad thing in my opinion because why waste your time and emotions on what you know are the wrong people for you when you can enjoy being HAPPILY SINGLE until you find the RIGHT partner.
This method is all about “slow and steady”, enjoying the process and not worrying about the outcome. As I’ve said before, that’s the best way to really meet your match. None of this whirlwind stuff, date strategically and date smart. I know what you’re thinking, it’s not fair because some people find love as easy as breathing, why not you? Well, they are the exception to the rule and we can’t live on exceptions. But, believe me, by knowing what you want and being realistic with your expectations and assessing candidates effectively you WILL end up with your ideal partner. Just be patient, I promise it will be worth the wait!
READERS: What are your thoughts about this four step process? Does treating dating like a job search really make it more effective? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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