We’ve all been in a situation where we meet someone new and invest our time and energy into getting to know them, only to learn that they were never interested at all. What were they doing? Well, perhaps they were bored, using you or just plain feeding their ego. Some do it on purpose while others do it unknowingly and don’t clue in that they’re doing it at all.

So, how do you know? Can you distinguish between someone who’s seriously trying to get to know you and a time waster? How DO you know you’re dating a time waster? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s actually easier than you might think.

How To Know You’re Dating a Time Waster

Time wasting happens a lot in dating and it usually happens because we let it happen. It’s important to remember a time waster is out to feed their ego, plain and simple, so you can either keep feeding it or you can refuse to play the game. You can identify a time waster by what they say and how they act. It’s not very hard if you really pay attention to the red flags. Although some people are master manipulators and expert time wasters, most people aren’t and you can see right through them.

Key Time Waster Red Flags:

• They don’t use “us” when they talk about you and them
• They avoid going on “real dates” with you (Netflix and chill anyone?)
• They don’t make an effort to be a real part of your life or even take interest in it
• They’re more interested in sex than anything else
• Your gut instincts tell you something isn’t right
• You can never get a hold of them and they always take a long time to respond to texts

How To Avoid Time Wasters When Dating

Avoid time wasters from the start, by knowing yourself and being confident in who you are on your own before meeting someone. In other words, be happily single. You also need to identify what you’re really looking for, and what you’re NOT looking for in a partner. This is essential because you need to invest your time wisely if you’re going to find your happily ever after and you do that by selectively dating.

Time wasters, charming as they are, will only steer you off your intended track. You need to date with purpose while still enjoying the dating process. As long as you’re keeping your eye on the prize, you will reach your ultimate goal.

Remember:

• Always be very clear about your dating intentions and expectations
• Be a selective dater- make sure your values align
• Manage your expectations at all times
• Actions speak louder than words
• Listen to your gut (if something feels off it usually is)
• Slow and steady wins the race
• Don’t get physical before knowing your relationship goals are aligned
• Don’t invest emotionally too soon

The best way to really avoid time wasters is by enjoying the dating process and by not stressing about the outcome. Take your time to get to know someone and find the best partner and companion for your life. It should feel natural and easy when you meet someone. If you have to struggle or push or you’re always unsure, then move on…there’s always a better option even if it doesn’t happen right away. Being alone is better than being miserable with the wrong person. Remember that people will only waste your time if you let them, so don’t let them!

Have a dating dilemma? You can always Ask Single Dating Diva a confidential dating question on http://singledatingdiva.com.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally appeared on eHarmony Canada.