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Ask Single Dating Diva: Dating and Weight

We all know that physical attraction is important when dating.  So, does that translate to weight?  Does someone being too skinny or too fat be a problem when dating? Do only people with hot bods deserve to find love? HELL NO! The world comes in all shapes and sizes and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Personally, I don’t like dating guys who are thinner than me.  I don’t want someone who’s unhealthy, but a little meat on the bones does makes a man more cuddly and not to mention that you aren’t worried about eating in front of them … I know, shallow, right? Nah … I’m not the only one.  I was happy to read the following “Ode to Husky Guys” the other day on Cosmo. It made answering this reader’s question much easier …

dating-and-weightDear Single Dating Diva,

I’m a bigger guy.  OK I’m pretty heavy but I’m healthy. I love to eat but I try to also stay active.  OK so I don’t go to the gym a lot, but I do walk and take the stairs when I can.  I do enjoy eating food I probably shouldn’t eat, but I don’t indulge that often.  Do I belong on the cover of a GQ magazine, no, but, I am a great guy with a lot to offer.  I’m fun, I have a good head on my shoulders, have a good job and quite social.  I am pretty confident, not self conscious about my weight either.  I don’t have that much trouble meeting women but I’m not as successful as I would like to be.  I have tried online dating and just meeting women through friends.  I just feel that some women don’t give me a chance because I’m bigger.  I want to know, do women really care about weight? Is my being overweight hurting my chances at finding love?

Sincerely,

A Whole Lot To Love

Dear a Whole Lot To Love,

Thank you for reaching out and for your question, it’s a good one.  Short answer is no, being overweight shouldn’t be hurting your chances at finding love.  Long answer? Although it shouldn’t be hurting your chances, it might limit your choices.  How? Well, you might not get George Clooney’s leftovers, but, in all reality, who does?

Dating and Weight

Dating and weight really has to do with personal preference and attraction.  Not everyone is attracted to every type of person.  Some prefer skinny, some don’t like them at all.  Some prefer overweight people, others do not.  The number of overweight people in the world is rising higher and higher every day.  Some of the largest people in the world are in countries such as the United States and even the United Kingdom as well as other Western countries as per a study done earlier this year.  So are these people less lovable? Not a chance!  On the contrary, there’s more to love!

What’s important is that you are healthy and active, confident and true to yourself.  Know WHO you are and WHAT you have to offer.  I have seen some larger guys who have some pretty hot women, why? Because they are confident and put their best foot forward.  They are attractive to these women because of who they are not what they are.

dating-weightMore Than the Sum of Your Parts

You are more than the sum of your parts, but you knew that already.  You just need to know that while you can’t hit a home run every time you try, you will find someone who will want you for you.  You aren’t any different than anyone else.  Some women actually PREFER larger men.  What women want is a REAL MAN.  They want someone who’s assertive, confident and well put together.  They don’t want a special project or someone they have to “fix”.  Be that man and you’ll have absolutely no problem meeting women.  As one of my friends put it, women want a man who is “polished”.

Women who are larger, same thing, if you are confident, happy and positive then men won’t notice your weight.  It’s true … when you’re self conscious and make excuses for eating or that you’re “bloated” or whatever then the men notice it more and more, but, if you never mention your weight and just go along your business like there’s nothing wrong with you then trust me, men won’t care.  Most men like a woman who’s got a bit of meat on her but they don’t like a woman who hates herself and always putting herself down.  When you are always saying how fat and ugly you are others will start to believe you even if you aren’t fat and ugly they will start seeing you as fat and ugly.

What’s important, first and foremost, is that you’re healthy.  Maintain a healthy lifestyle, eat right and stay active.  Even if you’re not thin it’s OK and doesn’t make you less worthy of dating than anyone else.  You just have to be true to who you are.  Remember, confidence is key.  Love yourself and others will follow suit.

OK Readers chime in! What do you think does dating and weight matter? Do you prefer bigger or smaller or average people? Do you even care? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

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10 comments

  1. Well said. I think it is more to be confident and be truly happy with yourself. Present yourself the best way you can no matter your body shape and don’t look like or be a slob. That is what will get you the attention of the opposite sex.

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  2. I completely agree with you. I feel through people’s energy before I can even really figure out their size. I like a man who exuberates good, positive energy and who is easy to be around. Physical attributes are important to me and I am generally more comfortable around a man who is taller than me and has some flesh and muscles on. But I have also met some great guys whose personality and charm sweeps me off my feet regardless of size! It is really the sum of the whole 🙂 Great article!

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    • Thanks Magdalene. People really ARE the sum of their parts … they just need to realize that they are more than their body, they are a package and that’s what others desire … the PACKAGE 🙂

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  3. I gravitate naturally toward tall and slim, but I have also dated shorter and heavier guys. In my age group (50’s) slim is fairly rare. I’m a body confident size 10, but I also have been “dismissed” more than once for being heavier/larger than some guy prefers (at least that’s how I perceive it).
    It’s possible to like and be charmed by someone outside of your weight “taste”, more difficult to be turned on by them…chemistry is not always open to reasonableness (this sweet chubby guy is a great catch. that big-hipped girl is sexy and has a pretty face)

    We like what we like!
    Excess weight does reduce our options in the on-line dating world, maybe a little less so in person when we can use our personality to offset it. Your pictures are your resume, and you are competing for limited interview spots.

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    • Thanks Sharona. You’re absolutely right! We like what we like. Dating is primarily about attraction. But beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and it’s about finding the right fit whatever your weight preference is.

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  4. I think it all comes down to knowing your audience. Like you said, some people aren’t attracted to men or women who are heavier. That’s a reality. Being overweight absolutely makes dating difficult. Especially if the person who is overweight is drawn to people who prefer to date someone who is not overweight. Confidence, style, presentation, etc don’t really have the impact we’d like to believe it does. Neither does assertiveness or charisma. That rarely makes up for a lack of physical attraction. The people you see with overweight mates are with them for a reason. Either they fetishize people of a certain weight or the overweight person has something – power, money, prestige – that elevates their status. It’s not as simple as confidence or style.

    The solution isn’t to dress better or tell better jokes. It’s not even to lose weight. The solution is to find people that like you as is. That’s the biggest hurdle for many people, as many of them have the same bias against heavier people as those who won’t date them have towards them.

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    • Yes you’re quite right. Being true to yourself and finding the right fit for you is the key. Pretending to be someone you’re not never ends well. Thanks for the comment.

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  5. For me, it’s not just about weight for superficial reasons. I eat healthy and I exercise several times a week. I consider general wellness to be a core value of mine. Frankly, when I see someone who’s really overweight or smokes cigarettes, I assume that we don’t share that core value, which in turn is not attractive.

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