Secrets Revealed: Does the “5 Second Flirt” Work?

You see someone from across the room.  They look back at you.  You want to approach but you hesitate.  Are they interested too? Maybe, but what if they’re not.  How would you know.  Do you take the chance and make that brave walk over to them?  Perhaps you need a little extra motivation.  What you need, my friends, is the “5 Second Flirt”.  What’s that?  Well I’m going to tell you, and what’s more, I’m going to tell you if it actually could work.

The “5 Second Flirt”

5 second flirtRecently, I asked women and men about their flirting techniques and how they show someone they are interested in them.  Someone came back to me with the “5 Second Flirt”.  What’s that? I asked.  It’s something heralded by many dating experts like Patti Stanger as a sure thing.  Essentially, the theory is that if a woman sees a man she’s interested in, she just needs to look at him for 5 seconds and if he’s interested then he will approach.  I was both fascinated and intrigued.  I wanted to see if it had any merit.  So, I asked my readers and my guy friends about it.  I asked them if it would work on them.  I got some very very interesting answers.  The majority of the men who answered said yes it would definitely make them want to approach if they were interested too.  Most, however, also noted adding a smile gave that extra encouragement they needed.  So does it work … seems so!!

Just as a side note, what I found most interesting was how men from my hometown of Ottawa (Canada) responded in comparison to the other guys who were from all over the world.  Apparently (and I’ve heard this a lot), Ottawa girls are cold and shoot men down harshly so most Ottawa guys have been more cautious about who they approach anymore and how they approach.  I don’t know how true this is.  Personally, I’m very nice to whoever approaches me and I let them off nicely if I’m not interested, most girls say the same … that if they are approached respectfully, they will be respectful as well.  The guys disagree.  In my own experience, lots of guys will look at me and even if I smile back they don’t approach, so there could be some truth to this.  It seems like it would be an important discussion to have, so I’ve taken it upon myself to find out more … fascinating!  Stay tuned for my Ottawa dating reconnaissance mission!!

Making It Work

Would the “5 Second Flirt” work? According to the majority of men who I spoke with, yes, it would work.  What would work even better is if that look was accompanied by a smile.  If they are interested they will approach the girl.  So ladies, that means taking a bit of initiative.  Are you ready for that?  5 seconds is a lot of time.  Do me a favor, try it now.  Just stare at the screen, count 1 second, 2 second, 3 second, 4 second, 5 second … now smile.  There!! You did it!! It’s that easy.  Guys, it could work for you too, why not.  Just don’t look at a girl in a creepy way. At least show you’re interested by looking and if she smiles back then approach.  I know, I know, a lot of guys would rather the girl just approach them if she’s interested, but I also know I would rarely do that.  Perhaps I’m more of a traditionalist.  Although I like it when the guy makes the first move, I am certainly willing to help him along by giving him some encouragement.  So ladies, let’s go out and try this and let me know what happens!!

Have you tried the “5 Second Flirt”? Did it work or not?  What was your experience? Would love to hear about it in the comments below!!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. So, I asked this on Twitter, but figured it would be more fun here:
    Does it count if it’s your avatar looking at me for 5 seconds? 🙂


  2. Hum….

    While the look may work, I personally believe that if a guy is interested in you (Ottawa or not) he will approach you. No questions asked!). Even if you don’t look at him, he will weasel his way into your bubble. If he doesn’t approach you (and I’m not trying to be facetious) but he’s not interested and probably never will be. That’s life!.

    On a side note most of my friends who aren’t from Ottawa or aren’t Canadian (we’re talking about girls from Europe to the Middle East) have told me that they found Ottawa guys kind of lame. They claim that they have no game or tact. That may be something you want to explore in your next blog. I hate to agree with them but it’s true. I’m no 10…far from it. I’m an easy 6 but in other cities like Montreal, Paris, London or even Spain, I get approached by men (around my age and scale) with none of the eye-stare-flirt-nonsense. Ottawa, as a city is risk-adverse. It’s only natural for this cultural trait to spreads to the way we communicate with one another.

    Rant over…


    • Thanks for your input. I don’t argue that Ottawa men are a bit different than anywhere else, I know that from experience. However, it begs the question … why are they like that? In other words, which came first the less than assertive men or the women who don’t want them?


  3. As a guy (in Ottawa!) I would not say so much that Ottawa is risk-adverse. I would say in general Ottawa is a “mind-your-own-business” city. People don’t like to bug people, so they tend to leave others alone.

    The other thing is guys don’t just go through life constantly considering approaching women. Some times he really just needs to pick up a loaf of bread in the store. It’s not that he is not interested, it is just that he has not considered the possibility. Presented with the option I will always consider it, but I might not always look at it on my own.

    There are also other scenarios where I probably won’t approach including: if you are with other people, you look like you a busy or occupied by something, there are tons of other people around (regardless of whether you are with them), if I am uncertain of things like whether you are single.

    As for you “What to do?” question, I can only propose one answer: walk over and start talking to him. It sounds weird. it feels weird. I once saw a physiologist that had done some research and found that in most cases women do make the first move – it’s just hardly ever verbal. (this 5 second thing would be an example). I would say myself easier opportunities (ie when I am approached first) get considerably more consideration that random women in the crowd (or the big long list on a dating site)

    I have a friend who works in IT at an Ottawa government job. A women at his work (very nice women, but definitely not great look – somewhat overweight) started sending him an assortment of (mostly bogus) IT requests and problems. She would come visit his desk to discuss them, and leave/forget things like pieces of fruit on his desk (yes I thought that part was weird too). To make a long a story short: they just bought a house together and are getting married in a few months. Sometimes approaching first is just what the match needs.

    I read an interesting article today that looked at the question: What if you perfect partner is terrible at dating? Would you still be able to find him or her?


      • Well she certainly can if she wants but she doesn’t always have to and may not want to. What she may need to do is alter the situation a bit to make things more suitable or easier. This is what my friend’s soon to be wife did and it worked rather well I would say.


    • “What if you perfect partner is terrible at dating? Would you still be able to find him or her?”

      Wow…with these questions I’m going to rethink a few things. I do know I feel less attracted to someone who replies to my online dating profile when it appears they cannot spell. I’ve tried not to judge because if i met this person face to face I would not be able to “see” how they spell what they are saying. think about if the perfect person for me could just be bad at dating…my mind is a bit blown and perhaps maybe I may have been to harsh on some people..maybe.


  4. You mention: “Guys, it could work for you too, why not. Just don’t look at a girl in a creepy way. At least show you’re interested by looking and if she smiles back then approach.”

    That moment, when she smiles back is critical. There should be no hesitation on the guy’s part. If he keeps on looking at her then he’s creepy, and if he waits too long, then the moment has past. He needs to move and initiate the conversation within the first few seconds after the smiles.


  5. As an LA based dating coach I see the 5-second flirt work to peak interest but guys here are still hesitant to approach a woman. LA men are generally not as aggressive about going after girl or talking them up unless they “know” they aren’t going to shoot them down.


  6. Here’s what I’d say works even better for a woman to telegraph interest: look at him briefly, look away, then look back, all within 5 seconds. And yes, a smile and slight blush are more than ok.

    As a guy, one thing I’ve done is, at a bar, look at a girl until she looks at me, then immediately give a playful smile and raise my glass to cheers her from across the room. If she raises her glass back or even smiles slightly, I approach without a moment’s hesitation. It’s on! The only way it could not be on is if she gives either a bad reaction or no reaction to my toast. Rejection-proof approach right there!


  7. I find making the first approach nerve racking at times. Its difficult to get out of ones comfort zone.


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