Who likes rejection? C’mon, show of hands … that’s what I thought … no one. No one likes rejection! Everyone wants to be wanted and wants to be loved. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to like us and not everyone will appreciate our charm, humor and good looks 😉 You really really have to develop a thick skin in order to date. Truth is, not everyone is going to like you … so you’re feeling rejected? Well, I say suck it up buttercup! Just leave them behind and say NEXT!! Tough love? You betcha! That’s what I told one reader recently who just couldn’t get over why she never gets the guy she wants and ends up feeling rejected by them.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I’m not an unattractive person and I think I have a pretty balanced life with a lot to offer someone. I just always end up on the rejection side of dating. The only ones who want me are ones that I don’t want. What am I doing wrong? I go on dates and think it’s gone well but never get called back. I’m starting to doubt myself and my worth. What should I do because I’m seriously feeling rejected!
Dear Feeling Rejected,
Thank you for your question and reaching out. I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve certainly been there. I will bet 99.9% of people who are out there dating are experiencing the same thing. It’s a normal part of dating, unfortunately. That doesn’t make it hurt less though, I get that. So what to do? Well, a couple things come to mind …
Feeling Rejected? Don’t Care So Much
Not too long ago I wrote a post called The Secret to a Great First Date and in it I advised readers to go into the date not giving a damn. Yes, you heard right. Don’t give a damn. Why? Well, because people give too much weight to first dates. They go in with all their expectations of happily ever after that they forget they are meeting someone new. All relationships, romantic or not, have a natural end, sometimes that ends in forever, most times it doesn’t. Don’t put so much pressure on them or you. See a first date as meeting someone new. That’s it, that’s all. A new friend. If it results in more then great, if not, then it doesn’t. You move on. This way you will be less disappointed. You know what? When you approach a first date like this then you’re also more likely to be yourself and not put on an act AND you’ll be more desirable. Imagine that, being yourself makes you more desirable!
Feeling Rejected? Change Your Strategy
More often than not we’re our own worst dating enemies. We make poor choices for ourselves and then regret it later. You need to take a long hard look at your dating experiences and look for trends. Is there one type of guy you always gravitate towards? Essentially, you need to ask yourself “Am I the Problem?“. When you figure that out then you might change your strategy. Try a new type of person to date, try a new way to meet people. I find the best places to meet others is doing activities that you love because your guard is down and you will find others with similar interests as you.
Feeling Rejected? It’s Not About You
You can’t make someone like you in the same way that no one can make you like them. Don’t take it too personally, you guys just didn’t click or the attraction was one sided. Does it suck? Well, yes, of course it does. Is it the end of the world? Nope, it’s not. So what do I say? Suck It Up Buttercup! Be in it to win it!! If they don’t want you who cares about them!! Go find someone who wants AND deserves you because they obviously don’t, so don’t waste your time sulking over it. That’s time that you could be using to meet someone new.
What do you think readers? Am I being harsh or is a thick skin when dating the real answer? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
I think you’re right that Feeling Rejected should put less stress on dates Suzie.
If you’re having success with those you don’t like and not having success with those you do EVER then chances are that you’re more relaxed with those you don’t care about than those you do and therefore more attractive. It’s difficult to be more relaxed when you have a hot guy in front of you and you’re anxious to give a good impression though. I think it helps to avoid the awkward coffee or dinner date and do something fun together where you’re concentrating on what you’re doing or what’s going on – you have more natural topics of conversation so you can relax a bit more and let your true personality shine through.
As a professional I can confidently say that you feel rejected because you put your sense of worth into someone else’s approval of you. This is okay to an extent (it keeps people from become sociopaths) but too much of it paralyzes you and keeps you from healing after a breakup. I agree with the Diva on this one. Suck it up and move on.
I agree with the good doctor and what SDD said about changing strategies. She’s seeking approval much more than being someone worthy of dating. You don’t date to find a husband. You date to have fun while getting to know someone. If you turn dating into a job, then you’ll have performance anxieties. Also, you do have to look at yourself. If the guys you want don’t want you, then maybe you have to honestly re-evaluate yourself to see what you can do differently to keep their attention. That’s my two cents! Good luck!
Great advice here. I must add what my ex used to say: people can smell desperation. This woman is obviously taking a first date too seriously. She’s putting the cart before the horse. She should focus on having a good time and seeing if there’s a natural chemistry there…at least, enough for a simple friendship. Being friends first is the way I’ve always approached dating. If you go into it too fast, with sex on the first date and great expectations for a long-term future, you’ll always be disappointed. At least, that’s been the case for me. If you just relax and have a good time, being YOURSELF, eventually you’ll click with someone. Yes, it might take a year or two to find the right person…perhaps even longer. This is where patience and prayer come in. Ask God for the patience to not give up until He finds the Right One for you. It’s not easy…but nothing important in life ever is, is it?
Thanks Lisa! Good things take time just like fine wine, right?
You are so spot on with the “it’s not about you”.. I mean, ok, it IS about you in the sense that you guys didn’t click, but you have to brush that off and move on. Because, event though it feels like you aren’t clicking with anyone, there are 7 billion people in this world. You will click with tons of them. Keep trying. 😦 Keep the faith.
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