We’re hearing a lot about sex lately … the good, the bad, the ugly. It has become quite commonplace to discuss sexuality in a very open way. That is a very positive thing. Sexuality is a very natural thing. We’re born with our sexuality. There is nothing wrong or evil about it. It isn’t something to be ashamed of nor is it something vile. There’s a reason it’s supposed to feel good. However, sexuality has a purpose and it has consequences. In my opinion, by making it a taboo topic, society has left the door open to deviant sexual behavior as well as gravely misinformed sexuality. Our attitude towards sexuality is something that is influenced or instilled in us in youth, from the time of puberty. So how does being sexually positive and prosexuality fit in? Is being prosexual the same as being promiscuous? Let us look a little closer.
What Prosexual Is & Is Not
Many of us are taught at an early age that sexuality is sacred, that it is something that should not be taken lightly, that we should stay virgins until we’re married, that sex should be used for procreation, that purity needs to be protected, that only bad people masturbate. But are we doing ourselves any favors by perpetuating these myths or are we just creating more sexual unhealthiness? I think that it is necessary to raise children with a healthy attitude towards their sexuality. That their sexual urges are normal. That sex is good and not bad. Imagine that!
Prosexual is just that, being pro sex, being sex positive. It is only by talking about sex and educating young and old alike about healthy sexuality can the sex be given its proper place in human existence. There are countless sex educators out there speaking about everything from vanilla sex to fetishes to kink. They are teaching people that liking sex is OK and that it can and should be pleasurable. They are teaching people that sex is normal and natural. Being prosexual means that you are self aware and are able to know what it right or wrong for you sexually. It is about having a healthy sexual attitude. Being prosexual, essentially, is thinking about sex in a positive way. Even someone who is not sexually active can be a prosexual, sex positive, person. Now if prosexual is being positive about sex, what is it not?
Prosexual is not promiscuous. It is not being a sexual deviant either. Because someone speaks positively about sex does not mean that they are out there sleeping with everyone they meet. They are actually more discriminatory about who they sleep with because of their mature outlook towards sex. Sex advocates and educators are out there to help perpetuate positive attitudes about sex. That is what is necessary in order to open people’s minds. Regardless, prosexual people are often discriminated against and judged unfairly. It’s time to change that. Psychologists also say that “just because someone, male or female, refuses to accept society’s standard regarding sexual self-expression does not necessarily make him or her neurotic, perverted, pathological, antisocial or aberrant.” I will repeat … prosexual is NOT promiscuous. Remember that.
Your Sexuality is Your Own
Prosexual people know that their sexuality is their own. It means being responsible about your sexuality. It means practicing safe sex which is safe emotionally, safe mentally and safe physically. It means being smart about your sexual choices. I often encounter this while dating, when people find out I speak openly on my site and on my podcast about sex, relationships and dating, they think that I’m easy, that I will just jump in to bed with them, or anyone, for that matter, no questions asked. When I first was divorced, in my naivety, I fell for a lot of this crap. Because you know, the cat was out of the bag, I wasn’t a virgin, so men of my ethnic background, both single and married, figured it meant I was in perpetual arousal mode and they had to save me from my horniness. What the hell is that?! Hmmm …
Whatever your sexual preferences are, whether you are a virgin and proud of it, whether you enjoy having sex with multiple partners or just one, if you’re promiscuous or not, whether you have sex on the first date or prefer waiting until commitment, it’s all good. What is important is that you are self aware of you own sexuality and not be pressured into doing something you are not comfortable doing. It has to be a choice you make. To me, anything done between fully aware and consenting adults is fine. The problem happens when people aren’t being true to themselves and doing things to make other, not themselves, happy. Maybe they feel pressured to “fit in” or maybe want someone to like them. People need to be more self aware and respect their own boundaries as well as those of others.
Sex is Good but is Casual Sex Bad?
In my opinion and experience, the hook up culture and casual sex are ruining sex and it’s what’s wrong with dating today. Yes, I’m getting on my casual sex soap box again and it doesn’t mean I hate sex at all, but sex seems to have taken center stage, while getting to know someone has taken a back seat. People are having sex for all the wrong reasons thinking they can handle it and end up distraught. Actually, casual sex might be bad for you, but being in the heat of the lusty, rebellious, moment you don’t really think that way and many times regret it after. Many people cannot handle casual sex, casual sex for them is unsafe emotionally, using a condom doesn’t protect your heart, does it? But truly understanding your sexual boundaries will allow you to avoid these situations and be where you want to be sexually resulting in a healthy sexuality. Everyone has their own choice about how they want to experience their sexuality, but in my opinion people need to be more aware about what they are doing and why.
It is time for people to start having healthy attitudes towards sex. It is time for people to have sex when they are comfortable and ready to have sex. Perhaps it is even time people actually got to know someone before giving themselves totally to them. It is time for people to realize the reality of what sex is and respect it and its consequences fully (which includes the diseases that come with having sex). It is time for people to stop slut shaming. It is time for people to be more prosexual and sex positive. It is time for parents to teach their children healthy attitudes about their sexuality. Imagine what kind of world it would be if people talked instead of judged, if people treated each other with respect and not negatively. At the end of the day, just because someone thinks sex is great and speaks openly about shouldn’t paint them in a negative light. It starts with you and me. Let’s do this!
Readers … What does being prosexual mean to you? I would love to hear about it in the comments.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
I was so happy to read this post! It’s about time people started presenting sex in a positive view. I grew up with sex presented as a negative more to scare young people away from having it and I completely disagree with that view. It’s good to know that there are others who believe in positive education and healthy views on sex.
Thanks Angela! I agree, scare tactics don’t work, it will only make people want the forbidden. By being positive you make sex normal.
Sex positive is about inclusivity and acceptance. I believe many more individuals would proudly proclaim themselves as sex positive if they weren’t instantly marginalized by many members in society for being “sluts”. After all, if you support it…you must be doing it…ALL of it. Not that what consenting adults do should matter to anyone else in the first Goddamn place! For such a sexualized society, we certainly have a lot of hang-ups about sex!
Thanks DIP! You’re absolutely right! It is about inclusivity and acceptance above all. Once people get over their hang ups about all things sexual then people will have all they need to make informed decisions about their own sexuality.
AMEN! Testify Sista! It’s about time someone said it like it is.
Thanks Aaron … it’s gotta start somewhere 🙂
Yes, yes, YEESSSSSSS!!!!! Being sex positive, especially in such a sexualized society, is so incredibly important!! We need to stop branding people who enjoy sex and/or who openly embrace human sexuality as whores and sluts. We need to stop judging each other in a negative light and start worrying about what’s going on between our own sheets rather than our neighbors… unless he or she is hot and invites us over 😉
Thanks BSG! Sexuality is very personal which is why it’s so important that everyone respect each other’s sexuality and not judge them for it.
Absolutely agree with this post! I think about it every day raising my son. I want him to grow up thinking positively about sex and sexuality, and not feel like something he has to hide from me or anyone else for that matter.
Thanks Meena! You’re an example to all parents. Positive sexual ideals begin at home.
Preach SDD!! I think especially in America there’s this weird double standard – the virgin/whore complex – which is confusing and degrading for women. The more we can practice and accept a healthy sex life, and find our own sexual paths, the better for both men and women. Great post!!
Thanks Kelly!! You’re right, everyone has their own sexual path and should be comfortable to explore it. The only thing I would add is how important it is that people are self aware and always know fully what they’re getting themselves into.
Yes yes yes! I love your stance on this, and its so important to share this message. Prosexual does not equal casual sex, and I appreciate you pointing out the difference very eloquently.
Thanks Elli! I think people should be able to express themselves as is best for them and that includes the realm of sex which doesn’t mean they’re doing everything and everyone they meet!
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