“Hitting it and Quitting it” seems to be the “in” thing lately. It’s like people celebrate the fact that they have “no consequence” sex. It seems that if you do that then you’re given a pat on the back by your friends, especially if you’re a man. But, casual sex DOES have consequences, sometimes these are physical (like Sexually Transmitted Infections/Disease or Pregnancy) and most times emotional and mental. This led me to wonder, can casual sex be bad for you?
According to a recent study “it’s not so much whether you have casual sex that impacts your mental health, it’s why you do it.” When I read that it made me think. How harmful IS casual sex for your mental health? I know I have written a lot about how some people who are less emotional can handle casual sex, while others, who can’t separate emotion from sex, have a harder time with it. It’s a tough call. I mean sex is a choice, right? Well it should be obviously. Sex should be between two consenting responsible adults who know full well what they are doing. So taking this into consideration, why are so many people having such a hard time with distinguishing their feelings from the actual act?
Do You Hit It and Quit It? Why Casual Sex Might Be Bad For You.
I’ve read recently that “when we do things for the “right” reasons, our well-being flourishes. When we do those exact same things for the “wrong” reasons, our well-being suffers.” That makes sense. When we’re confident about the choices we make then we are happy with the outcomes. The author goes on to give examples of what right and wrong reasons for having casual sex are, they are:
Right Reasons for Casual Sex
- to have fun
- to experiment and learn something new
- believing that it’s an important experience
Wrong Reasons for Casual Sex
- to feel better about yourself
- to please someone else or to fit in
- to get something material or emotional revenge
- in hopes of turning casual sex into a relationship
- coerced or tricked into it
Your motivations to “hook up” and have casual sex mean a lot. That’s obvious. I think the reasons outlined above pretty much sum up what I’ve seen and experienced. In my article “Can Your Booty Call Turn Into a Relationship?” I talk about these issues too. So many people have casual sex for the WRONG reasons and that leads to them become emotionally distressed. It’s really become a bigger problem than you might think. People think that having casual sex makes you virile and manly for men and powerful and independent for women but that’s just not true. It’s an illusion. An illusion that’s doing more harm than good.
Casual Sex is a Choice – Make the Right One
You need to ask yourself WHY you’re having sex with this person and if you’re OK if they just “hit it and quit it”. If you can say yes and you’re just really truly in it for the fun and physical reasons then go for it (maybe even read my Booty Call-iquette for some tips!). If you’re hoping that this sexual act will give you a confidence boost or that it will make the other person want you more then FORGET IT, don’t do it. Save yourself the mental anguish and regret. You know I’m right. We’ve all been in those situations. The hurt and disappointment isn’t worth it. Date smart and always have safe sex regardless of what you do.
What do you think? Do you think casual sex can be bad for you or should the experience be encouraged?
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
This makes a lot of sense. If only everyone could remember these wise words and keep their head on straight when the question of sex comes up, it would save a lot of anguish. Just not sure the head is doing the thinking at that moment 🙂
Thanks Ana you’re right. People just need to think before they act and it will save them a lot of grief!
I read the same article and couldn’t help but think of Samantha on Sex and The City. It really is about how YOU perceive the situation. Be conscious of your choices and not reactive or “Drunk”, in the moment. Being responsible about sex is more than just remembering the condom!
You’re right Sabrina! You need to be conscious of your choices and take responsibility for your actions!
thanks! I’m glad you liked it!
Unfortunately I think this is a lesson we all (who allow our slutty side to rule occasionally) have to learn the hard way. The ‘casual sex’ objective is one that must be utilized only under certain conditions…and too often we learn those “conditions” by doing it for the wrong reasons one too many times.
You’re absolutely right, we usually have to learn this lesson the hard way – by getting hurt.
I went through a stage where I enjoyed ‘no-strings’ sex, after about 9 months or so, I began to feel like I may want to have a relationship. It was then that I decided to knock the ‘no-strings’ on the head, for two reasons. 1) I knew it would be dangerous if I took someone home and I actually liked them as I would end up being hurt. One night stands very rarely turn into something else other than casual hook ups; and 2) If you scatter your energies how can you expect to find someone. You have to concentrate on yourself and build yourself up to be the best version of you, only then will you attract someone special. Remember like attracts like 🙂
Thanks so much for this. You are correct. No strings sex really isn’t no strings. Not everyone can have unemotional sex and someone inevitably gets feeling and possibly hurt in casual arrangements that go on for extended periods of time.
some of those ‘wrong reasons’ can happen in a marriage, just sayin… great post just the same.
Thanks Rida. Yes, that’s true, marriage doesn’t automatically mean good and positive sexual experiences either.
Comments are closed.