In our fast-paced society, does slow and steady still win the race when dating? Recently I read an article called “The Once-a-Week Rule for New Relationships“, it maintained, from a psychotherapist’s perspective, that in order to protect the longevity of a relationship, new couples should enter into the relationship slowly and get to know each other at a slower pace. I tend to agree with him. However, not many people do.
I posted the article on my social media and asked what people thought, interestingly enough most people vehemently disagreed with his suggestion. Why? Well because they think that the best relationships are made of the stuff that makes you want to see each other every day. It’s the intensity that keeps it alive. But does it? Or, is it the intensity that is addictive? I have always maintained that a fire that burns fast and hot will also burn out just as fast. It’s happened to me and it’s happened to most of you. Admit it. Too hot + too fast = no long-term relationship.
You met someone you really liked and they really liked you. You spoke, messaged, texted at all hours … it felt like you were on cloud nine. You saw each other as often as you could … you were intimate with each other … and then BAM! It’s over. You’re left wondering what happened, you’re left hurt, you thought it was going so well. What happened was that you played out the whole relationship at one time. Sort of like eating the whole cake in one sitting. You’re left feeling gross inside and out.
Does Slow and Steady STILL Win the Race When Dating?
I say yes, that in today’s fast-paced society, slow and steady still wins the race when dating. Whatever happened to getting to know each other? Whatever happened to actual dating? What about courting someone? Our world is filled with so many instant fixes that we’re always left wanting that “new car smell”, even when dating. Loneliness also gets the better of people. They crave touch and attention and when they finally get it it’s like being thirsty in the desert and finding an oasis. People parched for love and affection. That’s why they rush.
Facts to Consider
In all honesty, when someone really likes you and wants to get to know you in a mature lasting way, and if they have good intentions, they will typically want to take their time knowing you. This has been true for me as well as many of my clients. Why rush things? Be confidently and happily single and have a full life on your own. Dating should be a happy embellishment to your life not your everything.. Make sure you’re not parched for love and affection because new relationships should really be integrated slowly.
Taking it slow also helps you manage your expectations accordingly. You won’t invest emotionally too fast either. In my opinion, communicating throughout the week with someone you’re dating is essential, however, only see each other once or twice in public places, events, activities in the early stages. Give yourselves the opportunity to miss each other. It will allow you to really get to know someone before all those crazy love hormones kick in, forging a deeper bond with them creating a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Public places because if you have home dates it could lead to sex too soon which could cloud your judgment about someone.
After I made the mistake of rushing and investing emotionally too fast when dating, I learned my lesson and then taking it slow worked for me. I slowly got to know my husband, I managed my expectations with him and didn’t invest emotionally too quickly. It helped me develop a mature relationship and created a stronger foundation for us. Try it. What have you got to lose? If someone really wants to get to know you and be with you they will.If they lose interest because you only saw them once a week then really they weren’t that into you to begin with.
I will end with a fantastic quote from the author of the article mentioned earlier:
“To naysayers who say that new lovers should throw caution to the wind and let things flow organically, I would respond by saying that two people who are meant to be together will end up together, regardless of whether they see each other once a week or five times a week. To be safe, couples would serve themselves well to see each other once a week for the first month, and then increase the frequency with each week after that point. Most importantly, men and women should not feel anxious or rushed in forging a new relationship. The less anxious they feel, the better chance the relationship has of lasting.” [Dr. Seth Meyers]
Plain. Simple. Now have your say…
READERS: What are your thoughts on this? How often do you speak to & see someone you’re newly dating? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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