I came to a realization this weekend. For much of my dating life I was living in a world of illusion and it wasn’t until I left that behind and joined the land of the living in reality that I found my own happily ever after. Stepping into my past recently gave me nostalgic feelings for the past and, almost, just almost, got me sucked into the world of illusion again. You know the one, where everything seems so perfect, where you’re always wearing rose colored glasses, where wishful thinking takes over, where you see things not as they are but as you want them to be, where you can justify just about anything, where you never feel quite good enough and where fake people reign supreme.
Then I looked forward and saw my reality … one where I could be who I was and be loved for it, where I didn’t have to question people’s friendship, commitment or devotion to me, where I didn’t need to ask if someone was interested in me or valued me because I already knew they did. But it wasn’t until I left the world of illusion that I saw things the way they really should be. I want to challenge each and every one of you to do the same because, in reality, many of you are living in the world of illusion when it comes to dating AND illusion, my friends, is totally cramping your dating style.
Why Illusion is Cramping Your Dating Style
I talk a lot about how wishful thinking along with loneliness and infatuation clouds your judgement when dating. People have become experts at justifying their actions and feelings. On the Internet you can find a justification for anything. Something to back up whatever thing that you know deep down inside isn’t right for you, or real for that matter. We look to see things not as they are but as we want them to be. Illusion feels good. We create the world we want and only as we want it.
It’s OK that they only call you when they want to have sex, but they really do love you, don’t they? It’s OK that they said that they don’t want to be with you but yet still treat you like a significant other … yet you’re really an insignificant part in their lives. It’s OK that they are filled with empty promises that you believe each and every time because you want to much for it to be true, yet, you’re disappointed time and again. It’s OK that you’re in a full on textationship (with or without sexting) yet you haven’t gone on a real date yet. It’s OK that they’re not actually single but they’ll leave their partner soon, that’s what they promised. It’s OK that they’re a relationship tease that want all the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility. It’s OK that they want to only see you at certain times and don’t want to commit in any real way. It’s OK they didn’t text you back or see you because they were so busy. It’s all OK because they are everything you ever wanted and hoped for in a partner … they are your dream man or women. Exactly what you’re looking for. Sound familiar? WAKE UP!
Illusion is cramping your dating style because you are living in an airy fairy world that’s going to leave you sad, alone and rejected. It’s time to face reality and look at potential partners that have something real to offer you, who really want to be with you and who are proud to be with you and show you off. You deserve it. You deserve real love. But first, you need to get out of your world of illusion that may give you some pleasure (and lots of pain) and step into reality where you’ll find true happiness. It worked for me and will most certainly work for you too. It may be hard at first but well worth it in the end. You’ll see.
READERS: Have you ever dated in a state of illusion? How did that work out for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Want a dating relationship that’s based in reality? I’ve released my new workbook to help you attract the love you desire AND IT’S FREE… if you’re interested in receiving a free copy then click HERE and register your name to get the book, tell your friends too because this is a VERY VALUABLE resource! You CAN increase your datability and chances at your very own happily ever after (just like my clients AND me!), you just have to choose to get out of your comfort zone and start thinking strategically. I’ll show you how!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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The strangest illusion I’ve heard of a lot recently is the one where “hey, we are in a relationship though we never met”. No, you’re not, you are pretending you are. This is a true story but I used to frequent this one dating board where this couple were “dating” only by dating they would talk on Skype for months. They met several months late (one lived in Europe)and got engaged the first time they met because “we’ve been dating for months online”. I think they only saw each other once or twice in person (if that) and got married. They then didn’t see each other for a year, he moved to her location and a year later he found someone else. They ended up divorced and she ended up back where she started, only now with a failed marriage. If they had realized from the get go it wasn’t a relationship until they met they may have looked at marriage more carefully.
Having said that, I’ve been like that too, making excuses. Not the married one but the “he’s busy”. For awhile it seemed like that was all I found, guys like that. The guys who had time for me were ugly to me (and they were ugly). However, being that I am 45 and alone I may have looked at those guys better who had time for me. Or maybe looked for guys who had time for me. Instead all I find now are these guys or guys who I consider bottom barrel.
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I tend to have some illusionary fairytail stuff going my head especially when I am in love (or lust?), I am an artist so I tend to daydream, but sometimes my practical side always wins when it comes to dating. So I don’t dive into the world of illusion, I don’t want to go into a new relationship blind or in rose colored glasses. 🙂
I used to fall in love with girls who didn’t love me back. I knew but ignored the obvious and convinced myself to stay in love anyway. One of the lessons I took from that experience was, that you are able to stay in love as long as you are hopeful and able to stay hopeful as long as you ignore the facts. Thanks for the good advice! 🙂
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