My Empowered A-Ha Moment and How I Got There

The path to happiness …

I used to think that the path to happiness was finding love. I’d been in bad relationships or “situationships” (even some dangerous liaisons) for years, and I wanted out so badly. Enough was enough! Even though there were plenty of eligible bachelors, none of them appealed to me in a real way, at least none that wanted anything real from me! At my age, it felt like I was scraping the bottom of the barrel and that what I really wanted was a unicorn. Not only was I attracting the wrong types of men, I was also attracting the wrong types of friends in my life. My life was a bit of a poop show, let’s be honest. My power belonged to others and not myself. Then I had my empowered “a-ha” moment! Here’s how I got there.

One day I realized my fear of being alone was driving me to make bad choices.

As I began to learn more about my fear of being alone, I realized that it was driving me to make bad choices. I finally had an epiphany when I realized that being alone is not the same as being lonely—it’s actually something that can be wonderful and enriching if you let it! It can be a great source of empowerment!

I was at the point in my life where I was looking for “the one.”

Finding a life partner, companionship or friendship is a natural part of being human, for most. When this is a healthy need, you aren’t looking for someone to fill a void in your life; instead, you are looking for someone to share your life with. This person will be there in the good, the bad and the ugly times. They have all of the qualities that make up the perfect person for you including:

  • Someone who makes you feel loved
  • Someone who supports your dreams
  • Someone who is honest with themselves and others

My fear of being alone caused me to stay in unfulfilling friendships and relationships.

My fear of being alone caused me to stay in unfulfilling friendships and relationships. I was afraid that if I left one toxic friendship or relationship, I would be left with no one at all. They were a sort of crutch in my life.

But what I’ve learned is that it’s not about having many people around you—it’s about having the right people around you. When we’re surrounded by negative energy, our lives feel like they’re shrinking because we’re spending so much time worrying about how other people are judging us or treating us. These kinds of relationships can become draining fast because they take away our power which is why you need to sever ties as soon as possible.

I finally realized that I wasn’t desperate for someone else to love me; I was desperate for me to love myself.

I finally realized that self-love was the answer I needed – it was my a-ha moment. I know, this may sound like a simple concept, but it took me more than 20 years of my life to fully understand the importance of loving myself before I could truly love others and be happy.

The truth is you can’t expect someone else to make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else and if you don’t take care of your own needs first you will never feel completely fulfilled or complete because there will always be an emptiness inside.

So I made a conscious decision to work on loving myself and being happy on my own first.

I struck a deal with myself to work on self-love, self-care and being happy where I was at. This meant I had to learn to be comfortable in my own skin – mentally, emotionally and physically – before I could attract others who would love me for who I am. Before I could share my life with others, I had to find happiness within myself. I needed to practice self-care, gratitude and self-love.

The best thing about being unattached is getting to know yourself better than ever before

When you are unattached, you can get to know yourself really well, if you give yourself the chance. If you really pay attention, you get to discover your likes and dislikes, what you are good at and not good at, and what your strengths and weaknesses are. Personally, I also learned that I love helping others, learning new things, Zumba and making jam! I started reading a lot and enriching myself mentally and physically. I also became much more active and social. I was beginning to love my life, and, as a result, love myself. I was starting to project a more positive version of myself out to the world.

You will attract whatever you focus your attention on!

The only thing that can win in a battle between positive and negative thoughts is the positive. When you focus on gratitude and what you want in life, rather than what you don’t want, your life becomes simpler and happier. The more time you spend thinking about your goals the closer they seem to be in reality. You will attract what you focus on! Your thoughts and words a more powerful than you can imagine! Using affirmations and “I AM” statements helps empower you. Rather than putting yourself down and draining your cup, fill your cup with self-love.

The best thing to happen to me …

I’ve learned that my A-Ha Moment was the best thing that could have happened to me. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. It’s really about the process and changing thoughts as well as behaviors. It’s about stopping seeking validation from others. Empowerment comes when you take the time to not only care for yourself but also love yourself wholly. I’m happy and grateful where I am today and looking forward to what tomorrow will bring!

Deep breath. One.Step.At.A.Time.


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