I have some qualities I always look for in a man, in addition to his physical attractiveness.  Things not to be compromised.  One is that he is charming … he has to be able to suck me in with his eyes and conversation.  Next, he has to be witty and clever … intelligence is very important, I’m not talking nerdy or school smart, I’m talking quick to respond, street smart kind of guy.  Actually, I’m not one to enjoy academic conversations (maybe because I spent so many years in University), I much prefer talk about every day things and about life in general.  Learning new things is very important to me … so I need a guy who can teach me about life and who is adventurous.  Sense of humor is BIG.  What did Marilyn Monroe say? “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything!” … that’s so me.  I love to laugh.  I stopped laughing after I got married … now, I make laughter an essential part of every day.  So am I successful in finding these qualities in a man?  Well yes.  It’s not difficult to find, but these guys are also the ones that are difficult to keep interested.  You have to use all feminine skills to keep them engaged.  Exhausting? Yes.  Worth it? Definitely!

Mr. O.  He and I had been friends for many many years.  We used to hang out a lot and then less and less when I met my ex-husband and got married.  When I was in the throes of marital un-bliss, he was there to help me through it.  We would spend hours talking and he would make me laugh and help me see the positive side of things.  He is definitely the type to ALWAYS look on the bright side of life.  I needed someone like that, especially since I had been so unhappy.  So after my separation, we spent a lot of time together, and started seeing each other as more than friends.  It was good … quite nice actually.  We would hang out and listen to music … we loved discovering new music and artists … kind of trying to out-do the other with finding something before the other one.  I even befriended a DJ who had an in with new artists.  It was all in good fun.  We hung out a lot.  Feelings started developing.  One day many months later, we were talking and I made the mistake of asking where this was going.  He told me he just didn’t seeing us going any further than what we were at that point.  I was shocked!  We had something good … an amazing connection both emotionally and physically.  We were both quite happy together.  Then, he springs this on me.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I asked him why.  He said that everything was perfect, he couldn’t ask for better … except … but … he just didn’t feel that fireworks spark.  He basically wanted a girl who made him feel like he was high and flying.  So I kicked his ass high-flying out my door and we didn’t speak for a long time after that.  Just cordial hellos when we saw each other.  Then … something happened.  I met Mr. P.

I met Mr. P online and after chatting for a while, we decided to meet up for a coffee.  He worked in marketing for a major social networking company.  We had a good first date.  We spoke about work, travel, mutual interests and goals.  All of a sudden, guess who walks in? (by the way this wasn’t even in a part of town he goes to usually … so it was definitely weird).  Anyway, Mr. O walks in and sees me there with this other guy enjoying ourselves, laughing.  I realize now, my face probably gave me away and Mr. O came over to say hello, but he fumbled his words and looked nervous (and he’s a confident guy who is NEVER nervous when speaking to people).  It was a VERY uncomfortable situation. I think Mr. P noticed both our reactions, and our eye contact … our connection.  The date ended OK and he said he wanted to see me again, but, of course, he never called me.  I am certain it was because of Mr. O.  See, Mr. O seemed convinced I was home crying over him … he didn’t realize I was moving on.  When he saw me with another man it kicked him into reality.  I heard from him not long after and we sort of re-kindled our friendship, but that’s all.  I didn’t want to go through that drama again.  Yes, I know I like drama … but we all have our limits! Since, I wasn’t “fireworks” girl, I would never be what he wanted.  I was happy being friends, and he was happy being alone until he found his dream girl.  It’s all good, because we really have a good thing going with our friendship.  No, seriously, stop looking at me that way, it’s true!

Well, you know what … I totally understand that you need to look for what you want and not settle for less.  I get that, really.  But sometimes you need to look past that and see someone for who they are and what they can contribute to your life.  Sometimes if it’s fireworks you want, then you shouldn’t settle for less.  Now I see his point … we would have been happy together, but to a limit … I settled for my ex-husband and I was going to settle again.  Now I know better.  I want crazy, powerful, passionate love … I want a man who can’t resist me … a man who I can’t resist … a man who, well … that’s another story.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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