Did they break your heart? Cheat on you? Humiliate you in public? Did they flirt with another person right in front of you? Disrespect you?  Did they forget a special event? Use you? Lie to you? Are you feeling angry? Bitter? Full of rage?  Murderous? You want to key their car? Run over their expensive gadgets? What’s your first thought? Dating Revenge.  But, is it really worth it?  No one disputes that you need a way to diffuse the anger and get rid of all that negative energy inside of you but, but, but will revenge make you feel better? Not necessarily because revenge is like pushing a self-destruct button.

Single Dating Revenge: Why It’s Not Worth It

Being hurt, well, hurts.  There are a lot of bad people in the world … even people who masquerade as good people are quite nasty given the right circumstances.  We’ve all misbehaved at one point or another, but we don’t really feel it, or understand it, until it actually happens to us.  Being single and dating brings with it a lot of good, bad and ugly.  But dating revenge isn’t always the right answer because, like I said earlier it’s like pushing a self-destruct button.  Revenge is all consuming.  It takes over your life and your mind.  It’s not only emotionally damaging, it’s physically damaging.  The negative energy and hate grows and grows while the person you’re hating on really doesn’t care, so is it worth it? Nope!  But we do it anyway, why is that?

Apparently, it’s a form of self-preservation as well as anger, hurt and ultimately power.  According to researchers, “revenge is a form of establishing justice and that the threat of revenge may serve as a form of protection, a kind of enforcement of social cooperation.” Essentially, it’s about pride.  The person who hurt you hurt your pride and you want to regain it by showing them, and the world, what’s what.  You want to punish them for hurting you.  But does it make you feel better? Nope, it doesn’t.

Revenge studieshave shown that those who get revenge actually feel WORSE than those who dealt with their anger in a more healthy way.  How? Well, “when people don’t get revenge, they tend to trivialize the event by telling themselves that because they didn’t act on their vengeful feelings, it wasn’t a big deal. Then it’s easier to forget it and move on. But when people do get revenge, they can no longer trivialize the situation. Instead, they go over and over it and feel worse.”  Think about it.  When you’re oh so angry at someone or something you think about it over and over and analyze it over and over and each and every detail is relevant and could mean something and worthy of revenge.  Most of the time we’re OVER analyzing the situation and reading more into it than is really there.  We could literally drive ourselves CRAZY!

Leave it to Karma

So what to do if they did you wrong? Well, first let yourself be angry and do whatever you need to do to feel better.  Go for a run, eat some comfort food, spend time with your friends, throw a temper tantrum, meditate … whatever works for you.  Take control of your emotions and ask yourself “is it worth it”?  Really, it isn’t.  Take it as a learning experience and leave it to karma.  Karma really does come through for you.  I’ve seen it happen I really have.  Karma has also bit me in the ass before too.  Leave it to karma.  Each dating experience you have is a learning experience.  Think back to the lessons learned, the red flags you ignored, the control you gave up and your slipping standards.  Live and learn.  Don’t stoop to their level.  Besides, you know what the BEST REVENGE is? It’s living a happy full life WITHOUT them … show them that you don’t need them because really you don’t!

Have you ever experienced dating revenge?  Have you wanted to get back at someone who you felt screwed you over? Has it happened to you?  I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva