Why Appearance Matters When Dating


We’ve all heard, or maybe experienced, that beautiful people enjoy more privilege and opportunity than the not so hot. But is that really true? Isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder? Do looks matter or is love blind? Does appearance matter? I would argue yes appearance matters BUT. But what? But different things are attractive to different people. Also, we’ve heard that symmetry and proportion in someone’s face and body also contribute to what is perceived as attractive or not. Sound complicated? Perhaps it is more complicated than we thought.

This brings us to dating, does appearance REALLY matter when dating? OF COURSE IT DOES!! So why do so many not put in an effort when they’re trying to meet a potential partner? I’m not sure, but they are only serving to self-sabotage their chances at love. What do the experts say? Here is some good food for thought …

“Survival of the fittest—or most good-looking—does not mean survival only of the very most desirable individuals. The rest of us have a chance of making a successful relationship; and most people do settle down eventually and procreate. Everyone has developed some idiosyncrasies of taste so that no one is attractive to everyone else—even movie stars are not universally admired. And someone who may appear plain to most people will surely and sincerely appear attractive to somebody else.  Although nature sets some constraints on what is attractive, the vast number of people fall within those constraints and have the same experience: they will be found attractive by some people and unattractive by others. It is at this point that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”” (Fredric Neuman M.D, Psychology Today)

So most people do have a chance, according to the experts, they don’t fall within the realm of really unattractive. Then what’s the problem? Why are they being passed over for someone else? The answer is easy … it’s their appearance. The image they project out into the world is one that isn’t attractive to others. Personality also plays a prominent role here as well. We all know that some of the most physically attractive people are the most ugly inside and that makes them unattractive to others. The opposite is also true, some people that might not be the most attractive on the outside who are beautiful inside come across as very attractive because of their personality. But how does this all relate to dating?

Why Appearance Matters When Dating

So you’re having trouble in the dating world? You can’t seem to get people to click on your dating profile? Perhaps you can’t get past the first date? Maybe people just avoid you like the plague? Blame it on appearance. Harsh? Maybe, but the dating world is harsh. There’s no mercy when you’re dating online or on first dates so you better put your best foot forward or else you will keep repeating the vicious cycle of rejection. I’ve advised you many times before that in the dating world you are the product and you need to properly market that product in order to be successful in the dating world.

Love is NOT blind and because I want you to succeed, here are some very simple tips to get you winning at self-promotion … 

  • Never leave the house looking like you just got out of bed (put some effort in how you look because you never know who you’ll meet)
  • Have a great online dating profile picture (here is my online dating profile pictures 101)
  • Always smile and leave the stink face at home (when you look friendly you give off an approachable and positive energy)
  • Be friendly to everyone around you (this includes service staff, saying please and thank you to everyone, don’t be an ass, etc)
  • Wear clothes that suit you (if you need tips see my style feature)
  • Don’t wear clothes that are messy, dirty or have holes (I shouldn’t even have to tell you this)
  • Wear location appropriate clothing (gym clothes don’t belong in a restaurant)
  • Have good personal hygiene and grooming practices always – be clean and smell good (again I shouldn’t have to tell you this)
  • Be a good conversationalist (keep up to date on current issues in the world and your city, always have topics ready)
  • Be a good listener (this includes being engaging with active listening and asking appropriate questions)
  • Be passionate about something (when someone sees you’re passionate about something they get excited too & it’s very attractive)
  • Be assertive (go for what you want, no one wants to be in relationships with passive people)
  • Be active & social (when people see that you’ve got a good social network and active in your life they want to be a part of that)
  • Be happily single (when you’re happily single you give off a confident, positive vibe which attracts people like magnets)
  • Do good (volunteering and charity work is VERY attractive to others)
  • Leave your baggage at home (no one wants to help you carry it or hear about it)
  • Have an attitude of gratitude (when you’re grateful for what you DO have, you suddenly end up getting more of what you want & life doesn’t seem so bad after all)

These are just some tips, but you get the picture. Attractiveness is very important, obviously, but it means so much more than being perfectly beautiful or handsome. It’s about being a well-rounded person who makes others feel good to be around them. So take a look at the above list, do you really do all these things? Ask others around you if you do. You might THINK that you are a great person but if you’re failing at dating then you need to take a long hard look at why. There are A LOT of great single people out there looking for love just like you, start with making yourself an ideal partner, be the person you want to attract and always, always, put your best foot forward. It really does work!

READERS: Do you think appearance matters when dating? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


One comment

  1. This has affected who I reject. I was a model when I was younger and while I am older and a bit heavier I still pretty much look the same and dress decently. However, when I did online many of the men who sent me photos were extremely unattractive. I’m talking guys who literally looked like Frankenstein (no kidding). Turned out these guys were also extremely rude and would either ask offensive questions or creepy ones. One guy wanted to meet on New Years Eve a few years ago at an abandoned campground! I said no and he got offended. No, I wouldn’t have met him that night but certainly not like that. I feel bad rejecting me on looks but if someone gives me a bad vibe is it worth it to meet? A group of guys who also would contact me would be morbidly obese. Talking 300+ pounds easily. I like being active and our lifestyles wouldn’t match but a guy that large is not someone I’m attracted to. A little chubby is fine though.

    This didn’t happen during my last round of dating but have met guys who smelled or looked/were dirty. I’m into hygiene and expect a guy to wear clean clothes, bathe, and use toothpaste and deodorant before meeting. A slob is an automatic no. I figured if he couldn’t dress up for a first meeting he’ll continue to be sloppy.

    Yes, even though I am considered way above average in the looks department I have been rejected for looks. I’ve had guys not attracted to my look. I’m a brunette and some guys like blondes. I’ve had guys reject me for being too tall AND too short. I’ve had guys reject me because they wanted very thin and even chubby. This is why when I did online I showed many photos and was honest.


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