There are certain things we can’t help but notice when we’re on a date, especially on a first date. We can’t help it. Let’s not kid ourselves, physical attractiveness is very very important when dating. You can’t help who you’re attracted to and you can’t help how you feel. I would argue it’s an essential part of modern dating. As much as people try and tell you that if you have a winning personality you’re golden, if you don’t bring your “A-game” to a date and if they aren’t attracted to you then you’re toast. I was recently reading an article about common prejudices when dating and that got me thinking about dealbreakers and how we consciously and subconsciously judge people when dating. Don’t tell me that you don’t. That’s what dating is all about, assessing whether or not someone fits into your idea of what a long term commitment should look like (or whatever other thing you’re looking for). We discriminate. We do. What are the top things you get judged on when dating? Well, here’s some of the things that I’ve experienced personally and had shared with me.
Discriminate Much? Top 5 Things You Get Judged On When Dating.
So you’re on a first date … what are the top things you judge others (and get judged on) when dating? Remember, this goes both ways, so they are noticing these things about you and you are ALSO judging them.
When someone meets you for the first time or even sees your online dating profile, they are looking at your body. Are you overweight? underweight? Do you take care of yourself? Are you well put together? Do you have good personal hygiene? Do you actually CARE what you look like? These are all very important factors when dating. No one wants a smelly slob and everyone wants a partner they can be proud of.
What you can do if you get judged on your body: Always look your best! Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Keep good hygiene at all times. Even if you’re overweight, if you dress in a way that hides things you don’t like and accentuates things you do like you can look great. Have a good hairstyle and ensure your grooming is on point.
There are so many great men out there who get passed over because they are not over 6 feet tall. Tall women also have a challenging time dating. Problem is that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about your height. Fair or unfair, it is what it is. I’ve heard from many many short men or tall women that they have a very hard time dating because their choices are so limited and they’re often passed over solely because of their height. It’s really too bad because these are quality partners. Maybe you SHOULD give them a chance and overlook the height issue. Height shouldn’t be something you judge someone on who has perfectly good potential.
What you can do if you get judged on height: There’s not much you can do other than accentuate those things that make you stand out from the crowd. Demonstrate why you are a quality partner. Show how you’re different. You might have to work a little harder but noth ing is impossible so don’t give up.
You are definitely judged on what you do, what you have and how much you have, especially the older you get. They’re looking to see that you have your life in order, that you’re gainfully employed and that you don’t live in mommy’s basement. You’re judged on the career choices you’ve made and what your social status is. Do you have a good social circle and decent social life? Do you have a balanced life? Are you financially stable? It’s not necessarily that you’re wealthy but that you’re not having financial difficulties. This is mostly because no one wants to take on someone’s financial problems nor do they want to take on someone who has no ambition.
What you can do if you get judged on status: This is all about getting your life in order before you date. Make sure that you’re stable and have life goals that you’re passionate about. Things you’re working towards. When you’re excited about what you’re doing and where you’re at it makes you very interesting. Ambition is sexy. Many guys will say women who won’t date them because they’re going through a rough patch or are part of the “have nots” are gold diggers but no these women want stability and equality because a lot of these women have THEIR life in order so they just expect the same. Also, make sure you have a balanced lifestyle between work and a social life. Ladies, if you’ve done a great job of taking care of yourself and have your life in order you don’t need to keep reminding a guy about it, he can see it, he’s not intimidated by you. Men don’t need to hear how much you don’t need them, he’ll walk away and leave you to yourself, because, as you kept reminding him, you don’t need him.
4: Social Skills:
You are definitely being judged on your social skills and your ability to interact with others effectively. The person you’re on a date with or that you meet is looking so see that your verbal and nonverbal skills are on point. This includes having a friendly energy, eye contact, smiling, laughing and the ability to have a great conversation. You have to be interesting and not generic. They want to see how you interact with others as well. Someone who is socially awkward doesn’t appeal to most people. It definitely works against you.
What you can do if you get judged on social skills: Be sure to practice your social skills starting with friends, coworkers and by talking to strangers. Have a longer discussion with cashiers, baristas and servers. I’m not a fan of speed dating for finding love, but, what speed dating does offer is a chance to speak to a lot of strangers in a short period of time so you’re forced to come out of your shell. Also be aware of your nonverbal communication, make sure to have eye contact and smile at the very least. Also pay attention to other people’s cues, if they look like they are bored or uncomfortable with you try changing what you’re doing. The more you practice the better you’ll get.
You can also be judged on your relationship and sexual history. If you have left a trail of disasters behind you, your date might think you aren’t an ideal partner. Some will judge you if you’re divorced or if you have been promiscuous. Some, unfortunately, will judge you if you have sex on the first date. Whether it’s fair or not, right or not, it still happens. Your baggage is also being judged, if you can’t stop talking about your ex, if you have a wicked victim mentality, low self-esteem or even a sense of entitlement then it’s going to make someone run for the hills.
What you can do if you get judged on history: You need to make sure that you’ve dealt with any of your past issues and that you are starting a clean slate with others. Don’t date if you have baggage. Don’t speak about your history or complain about your exes. Give relevant information but keep it short and sweet. Once you’re in a relationship with someone you can share more, but it’s not necessary to spill the beans and overshare early on, even if you “want to be honest”. If someone is judging you on these things then kick them to the curb. But, if you are judging others on these things, you need to rethink what your priorities are.
So there you have it. The top things you get judged on when dating. For better or worse it is what it is. You might think these things aren’t fair but unfortunately, they’re the reality. It’s hard out there and very competitive which is why you need to put your best foot forward AT ALL TIMES. Be your best self and know what you have to offer and what makes you stand out from the crowd. Market yourself better when dating and it will really help accentuate your value.
READERS: Have you ever judged and discriminated someone on a date? Have you been unfairly judged? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Want to market yourself better when dating? I’ve released my new workbook to help you attract the love you desire AND IT’S FREE… if you’re interested in receiving a free copy then click HERE and register your name to get the book, tell your friends too because this is a VERY VALUABLE resource! You CAN increase your datability and chances at your very own happily ever after (just like my clients AND me!), you just have to choose to get out of your comfort zone and start thinking strategically. I’ll show you how!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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Great advice. Many people try dating when they aren’t all together and then fail. People don’t want someone without their life in order.
I confess–shortness and baldness are just not attractive to me,,
Baldness I agree. Height I suppose it depends because if a woman is 5 foot tall and only wants a man 6 feet tall then they are delusional. If they are 6 foot tall and don’t want a man 5 feet tall it makes sense. I’m about 5’6 and a guy much shorter isn’t usually my type but I once found myself attracted to a man 5’1.
I like the advise on this. And I have to confess that I like my men taller than me. I am 5’8ft and is very hard to find a guy taller than me in my hometown and a lot of the men are either fascinated of my height or intimidated by it.
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