I have heard so many complaints in the past little while about dating apps and the trash people have to deal with on them which prompted me to ask the question – why? Why do people keep going back? In our digital fast paced world, dating apps have become a popular way to meet potential partners, but many single find them frustrating, time consuming and emotionally draining. Recent studies have actually found that people aren’t satisfied with dating apps, in fact, they found that the probability of finding love “online” is not very high as many people using dating apps are not authentically single, nor are they looking for anything lasting, they’re more for fun than anything else. The pandemic made it even worse.

So, why then do singles keep going back to these apps despite their flaws? Research has actually found links to the experience of swipe-based dating apps and higher rates of psychological distress and/or depression. Let’s explore the simple and understandable reasons behind the continued popularity of dating apps and the psychological, social, and practical aspects that keep users coming back.

The Never-Ending Attraction of Dating Apps: Why People Keep Returning Despite Their Flaws

The Hope of Finding Love With a Promise of Endless Possibilities

Dating apps offer a vast pool of potential partners, giving users the illusion of limitless opportunities to meet new people. The sheer abundance of choices can be alluring no doubt, however, these choices are not necessarily a realistic view of what is truly out there for YOU. Even if previous experiences have been less than ideal, however, the hope of finding that special someone keeps singles coming back, driven by the belief that their perfect match might be just a swipe away, even if it means they’re always holding out for something better. In fact, dating apps could actually lead to commitment-phobic behavior.

The Fear of Missing Out

Dating apps create a feeling of “Fear of Missing Out” or FOMO. This plays a significant role in the continuous use of dating app. As singles witness their friends or acquaintances finding partners or engaging in exciting dates through these platforms, they feel compelled to participate to avoid missing out on potential connections or experiences. This fear drives them to continue using dating apps, even when faced with negative outcomes or discouraging interactions. This also leads most to settle for less than they want or deserve just to not miss out.

Validation and Ego Boost

Being single can totally kill your self-esteem and leave you feeling “less than”. This is why for some singles, dating apps serve as a source of validation and a means to boost their self-esteem. Receiving matches, compliments, and attention from others can provide an ego-boost, filling the void of insecurity or loneliness even for just a moment. This becomes quite addictive, keeping singles coming back for a temporary confidence boost, regardless of the overall frustration with the platform. Dating in this age of “instant gratification” is getting harder, no doubt.

Pressure to Fit In

In today’s society, using dating apps has become the norm, making singles feel pressured to join in. They worry that not using these apps might make them appear out of touch or hurt their chances of finding a partner. There is pressure on singles to go along with these norms, making it challenging to opt-out of dating apps without feeling like an outsider. As a result, singles keep using these apps even if they aren’t genuinely enthusiastic about the experience, fearing that choosing not to use them might negatively impact their dating prospects.

Convenience in Busy Lives

Dating apps offer a convenient way to meet people in our busy lives. They allow singles to connect with potential partners during their spare moments or while on the go, making apps a practical choice because, let’s face it, in our fast-paced lives, finding time to socialize and meet potential partners organically can be challenging. Dating apps give singles an easy, timely, solution, allowing them to connect with others while on the go or during free time. The easiness of swiping through profiles and messaging your own convenience becomes an attractive idea, regardless of the potential downsides.

The Fun of the Game

Dating apps use gaming elements like swiping, matching, and even achievements, which activate the reward centers in the brain, which triggers feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. The app experience becomes like a game, including the anticipation of a match or even the excitement of a successful conversation. The dopamine rush from these interactions keeps users engaged and addicted to the process, it makes you crave “the game”, even if the outcomes are often disappointing.

Fear of Traditional Dating

For some singles, the fear of traditional dating methods greatly outweighs the frustrations they face with dating apps. Approaching strangers in person, dealing with potential rejection face-to-face, or navigating the complexities of meeting people in the “real world” can be very scary and intimidating. Dating apps provide a perceived anonymity and a safer distance from potential rejection, making apps a preferred option despite their flaws. This is becoming a bigger and bigger challenge as we delve deeper into the digital age.

Despite their flaws, however, dating apps still continue to attract singles for simple and relatable reasons. The hope of finding love, the fear of missing out, the ego boost from validation, social pressure, convenience, the fun of the game, endless options, and the fear of traditional dating all contribute to the continued popularity of dating apps. While they can be frustrating at times, dating apps also offer a glimmer of hope and the possibility of meeting someone special, which keeps users coming back for more. As long as these platforms provide opportunities for connection, they will likely remain a part of the modern dating landscape.

Dating apps? Yes or No? In my professional opinion, they have become a total disaster. They started out great and while there are many genuine people with real intentions on there, it isn’t the majority. You really REALLY have to weed through the dating profile garbage and it can be disheartening and not to mention very frustrating. If you’re using dating apps and you’re unhappy, take a break and reassess what you want and engage in self-care. There is no one app better than the others either, they’re all pretty much the same. Try meeting people in the conventional way – offline dating is where it’s really at, even if it’s uncomfortable for you, you’ll find that on the most part you won’t have to deal with all the initial nastiness.

Ultimately, it’s really important that singles maintain a healthy perspective and use these apps as tools to enhance their dating experiences without losing sight of their true worth and value beyond the virtual world – have an online dating profile that stands out, keep online conversations short, meet in person as soon as possible (in public NEVER in private, block any nastiness (zero tolerance), don’t send any additional pictures or personal information with someone you’re meeting online and remember that stranger danger is real (people can be anything when they’re hiding behind a screen)! Remember, your self-worth is what is going to fuel your success in dating and not the method in which you meet someone. So go forth and date empowered, have fun and be authentically you.

One.Step.At.A.Time.

Suzie

Copyright Single Dating Diva / Diva of Love / Power Coach Suzie
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